Waiting for the bump...

Hello!  It's been another few weeks since I've updated and we have some fun photos to share! 

First off, today I'm 8 weeks pregnant!  Very exciting to get to 2 months.  I really feel like it's been just a few weeks from the transfer!  Kellie had this cute idea to document the process from both sides.  So we will continue to update every month with these photos.  This is Chris & Kellie's hands holding a raspberry since that's the size of Baby Kaufman right now!  And then there's me!

I haven't started showing yet.  I am just to the awkward point where I'm starting to feel a little tight in my clothes.  Since my only other pregnancy was twins, I feel like the chances of showing early, are pretty good!  So, we'll see what the next few weeks bring!  

I'm feeling pretty good!  Weeks 6-7 I was sooooo tired.  Couldn't get through the day without a short nap .  And just had no energy to do much!  But week 7-8 has been good to me on energy levels.  I'm feeling much better.  However, nausea kicked in this week.  I had several days I almost felt like I could get sick.  Never did get sick... and the key to me is to drink something often (decaf iced tea has been my favorite lately; too much flavor in anything isn't helpful right now!). 

Another weird thing I've had is my heart skipping beats!  Did anyone out there experience this with pregnancy?  It's such a weird feeling!  I've had 2 days this week where it happens several times in an hour throughout the whole day.  Luckily, I have my handy OB nurse (my mom) on-call all the time and I called her and she told me it's totally normal with pregnancy.  I had no idea! It's not something I experienced with my boys.  

My mom said to pay attention and if it keeps up more regularly, I will want to mention it to my OB.  So far today I've not noticed it much.  But it does tend to flair up more in the evening.

Otherwise I'm feeling really good!  We move into our new house in a few weeks so getting the house packed up doesn't sound too fun :) luckily we are hiring movers to move everything so I'm glad I don't have to worry about overdoing it.  

Another thing is I realized I never posted the debut photo of Baby Kaufman!!  Here he/she is at 6 weeks 3 days!  Heart rate was 126 and everything looked great!  

I have another ultrasound in 10 days to confirm baby is still looking good... (And I know it will!!).  

I am still on daily injections of progesterone, progesterone suppositories 3xs a day, estrogen injections 2xs a week and daily baby aspirin and prenatal vitamin.  Everything meds wise is going well... I just can't wait for the day that I'm done with those darn suppositories!  

I think that's all the exciting information I have for now!  

Thanks for the continued support!  Now we just #GrowBabyGrow!! 

Keep the good news coming!

Just a quick update with my beta numbers from this week.  On Thursday I had another blood draw and they would have liked to see the number at least double from where it was on Monday (288).  Well, looks like Baby Kaufman is sticking to his/her overachiever status because the number was 1,042!  The nurse at the clinic said this is a very good number and they are more than pleased with it!  They told me to continue on my meds the same as I have been and then to schedule an ultrasound in 10 days!! Wahoooooo!!  How exciting for the first ultrasound!  I called and scheduled it for March 30 @ 8am.  You better believe I got the first appointment in the morning, haha!

I have been feeling pretty good!  A few small spells of nausea here and there but it is not bad at all.  I think the biggest thing I need to remember to do is to eat small snacks throughout the day.  I realize when I get hungry is when the nausea starts and then makes me not want to eat and then makes me feel worse by not eating! haha.  I never got sick with my boys but I did have this similar feeling so hopefully Baby Kaufman is going to go easy on me too! 

That's about all for now.  Just wanted to update on the numbers.  I am officially 5 weeks 1 day pregnant.  Crazy that the transfer was just 2 weeks ago and I am already 5+ weeks pregnant!  Have a good weekend!

It worked! I'm pregnant!

Wow, SO much to update on!  It's crazy how a week sneaks by me anymore. 

And, its been a pretty eventful, exciting week, to say the very least!  So last Monday (just 5 days after the transfer), despite many friends telling me not to, I decided to take an at home test.  Kellie and I had made this decision ahead of time that we would wait until Monday and we knew going in that the chances were still slim that it would show a positive.  So, we were mentally prepared for that going in.  Well, I took the test and it should a Big Fat Negative result.  i was okay with it because I felt in my heart that it was a positive that just wasn't showing quite yet.   I texted Kellie with the result and her response was to be expected, "Okay, we knew this was likely to happen :)"  I knew with her response that she felt the same way I did but with some disappointment in her text too.  Oh how I would have LOVED a positive to show up. 
A few hours later that day I thought… maybe I should try again?  Is that crazy?  But, my thinking was this.  Yes, it was technically 5 days after the transfer however Portland is 2 hours behind us AND we lost an hour with daylight savings time the day before so when I took the test at 7am, it was really more like 4.5 days after the transfer.  Yes, okay, I admit I am crazy. 
I got home around 3pm and decided to take another test.  And guess what?!  A {super} faint line appeared!!!!!!  I did everything in my power to try to get a good photo to send to Kellie and Chris so they could see the faint line.  After my 3rd photo to them & finally showing her the negative next to the positive one, Kellie says "Okay, I think I see it!!" Chris told Kellie he could see it right away!  Just for kicks, here is the photo :) 
Yes, you really have to squint to see it.. but I promise that in person it was definitely there!!!

The next morning I thought I might as well try again to get confirmation that I wasn't seeing an imaginary line.  I still had several pink line tests in the cabinet but I also had a few digital ones.  I thought 'maybe I should try a digital?'  But almost talked myself out of it because I know those sometimes aren't as sensitive and since the line was so faint, I would probably see a big fat 'not pregnant.'  But I thought I would just do both and see what happened.  Well, this baby showed a big ole'  PREGNANT across the digital test within seconds!!!!  I was screaming and jumping up and down and texting Kellie photos!  I could not WAIT for her response!!  I said "I don't think it gets ANY clearer than this!!" 

She was soooooo stoked to see that and what wonderful peace of mind for her and Chris… and okay, me too!!  We still had several days before the beta blood test results so anything to make those days go quicker was awesome. 

And, let's be honest, Kellie and I figured that I had the tests in the cabinet so why not use them.  Okay okay.. I admitted already that I am crazy!  haha.  But it was fun seeing the pink line start to get darker each day. 

You've never seen so many pregnancy tests on a blog post before, have ya?  Well, now you've officially seen it all!  So glad I could help you out with that item on your bucket list.  haha. 

Then, Friday came!  The day we've been waiting and waiting for!  We thought 9 days seemed like it would be soooo early for blood test but those 9 days seemed more like weeks!  I went in at 8am and they said the results would take about 2 hours to get to the clinic in Portland.  We waited.  The number we were looking for was at least 50.  This is the HCG and at this point at least a 50 would show a definite pregnancy.  They called me with the results and I could immediately tell in the nurses voice that it was good news, it was an 83!!!!!!!!  Wahoooo!!!  Kellie and I were SO excited that our at home tests hadn't let us down! 
Then the moment we've all been waiting for… the announcement!!  I took this photo for Kellie after another announcement she had seen and it turned out SO cute (if I do say so myself). 

I could not believe the response we got from sharing the big news.  It was so amazing to see how many people have been following along and praying for us. 

Monday I went back to the lab to have another beta to see that the HCG has at least doubled.  So, we were looking for at least 160+.  The nurse called and I was 288!!!!  Go, Baby Kaufman!  Total over achiever! 

Tomorrow I will have 1 more beta blood draw and again we will want that 288 to at least double.  I have absolutely no doubts that it will! 

How am I feeling?  I have been getting that question a lot.  When people ask me that I kind of have to remember why they ask.  Oh yah, some people feel icky pregnant!  Well, so far I feel great!  I have had a few small spells of nausea but its very short lived.  And in the afternoons I get a little tired but honestly its stuff that I probably wouldn't even think twice about if I wasn't pregnant! 
The meds are going great.  I am currently do 1 ml of progesterone in oil injections at night and those haven't been bad at all.  When I was in Portland the nurse told me that she saw my injection sites and said I needed to move up a little bit (she said, go above your butt crack).  OH!  That makes such a difference!!!!  I have had a little tenderness but the lumps are no more and much easier than when I was injecting them lower and more on my butt!  I am doing estrodial injections 2xs a week on Mondays and Fridays.  Then, just recently they had me start on suppositories 3xs a day.  Lets just say I would rather the larger injection of progesterone than the icky suppositories.  But, that's okay.  It will be temporary.  Then I am also continuing 1 baby aspirin per day and of course my prenatal vitamins!  Just for fun, here is my current sharps container with my past syringes!

  And, I'm not near done yet!  There is no way to know how long I will be on the estrogen and progesterone injections.  They check my levels regularly (just checked them this week) and eventually my body will understand that I am pregnant and will make this naturally like it would with a natural pregnancy.  But, with IVF, the baby is just put into your uterus so you body isn't naturally producing these hormones because it doesn't know to!  So both of these help support the pregnancy.  They are SO vital to the baby staying attached and strong.   Can NOT miss a dose.  It's become second nature to me. 

Tomorrow I have my next beta results and I know they will be great.  Then, we get to find out whats next!  I am anxious to hear when the 1st ultrasound will be. 

As always, thank you for the positive energy, thoughts and prayers.  I KNOW its because we have this army of support behind us that things are moving along so smoothly.  We cannot than you enough for all this amazing support. 
Now, its time to GROW BABY GROW!  Due date is November 20!

The transfer is over... now what?

Tuesday I flew to Portland for the transfer.  After much travel delays I finally arrived in the early evening and the Kaufman's all picked me up.  We went to a nice dinner and got to catch up and then headed to their home.  I was greeted with a gift bag full of goodies for bedrest; warm socks, some favorite snacks, magazines & even the most gorgeous necklace in a little blue box.

 It was completely unnecessary but so appreciated.  Kellie said she has this necklace too and she just loves it and couldn't help but feel like the 3 circles symbolized this exciting journey, in a few different ways.  I LOVE IT.  My husband had also mailed a large box full of bedrest items ; more socks, movies, my favorite kind of blanket, & a candle.  So extremely sweet of him.

  Wednesday last week was the BIG day!  Kellie and I spent the morning with a warm tea, light breakfast and then headed near the clinic to have lunch together.  We had eaten at this place before the mock cycle so a little superstition played a part in this restaurant choice, because we felt like we had good news with that appointment, so why wouldn't we get good news for this one? :) 
We got to the clinic at 12:40 for my 12:45 arrival time.  Kellie and I were so nervous in the waiting room.  But, this selfie helped ease our nerves ;)

I was called back right on time and headed back to the prep room.  Got my sexy hospital gown on and they scanned my bladder to be sure it was nice and full.  They can get a better picture when its full so they had me drink a few more glasses of water.  Kylee who is the surrogate coordinator at the clinic came to see me so I finally got to meet her!!  It was so exciting since I have been working with her for months but hadn't officially met in person.  Definitely had to get a photo with her!

Chris joined us at this point and I think that's when it got really real!  All 3 of us in this hospital room just waiting to go back.  They gave me a Valium to help me be able to really relax.  They only allowed 1 person into the procedure room with me, so Kellie got all gowned up.  She was under strict instructions not to make me laugh or crack any jokes because that could cause me to move and mess up the transfer.  And, In case your wondering, nope, she can't look ugly even in an astronaut space suit. 

So, they took me back into the room to get me all ready for the transfer.  A few minutes later Kellie entered the room.  There was a tv screen really high up on the ceiling and as I was looking at it all of a sudden this beautiful photo popped up. 

BABY Kaufman!!!!   Or, the start of!  :)  In that moment, my eyes got teary.  That little cell can potentially be a human life in just a few months.  And I am going to help that become reality.  Talk about crazy.  The doctor had me all prepared and then said "Okay, you are doing wonderful being still.  The embryologist is about to come in the room with the embryo so I need you to continue to not move at all." WHOA.  Talk about pressure!  When someone specifically tells you not to do something, it really messes with your head!  I felt like its never been so hard in my life not to make a move. I don't think I even took a breath.  The embryologist walked into the room with a long catheter and 'dropped' it right into whatever the doctor had prepared already (another catheter?)  Trust me, I wish I could have had a mirror to see this part since it is SO interesting!
About 30 seconds later the doctor said the embryo was placed and everything went as perfect as possible!!  ahhhhhh!!!  So exciting.  They took me back into the prep room where Chris was waiting for Kellie and I and they had me lay completely flat for about an hour.  Then, they wheeled me out to the car.  Here is a photo of Kellie and I (in my wheel chair) just as we were leaving!  I PROMISE Chris missed these photo ops by just a few minutes (he was in charge of child care for their girls so he was coming and going as he could!)

Next up... bedrest!  I had in my head that bedrest was going to be just sitting on the couch taking it easy for 2 days.  I had no idea it was going to be pretty strict!  They informed me that I am ONLY to get up to go to the bathroom and I cannot sit up more than 45 degrees.  They even suggested to prepare my injections while in bed and then administer them when I go to the bathroom so I don't need to be up anymore than possible.  I know that all clinics have different suggestions on bedrest vs. no bedrest but ORM (Oregon Reproductive Medicine) said they have a very high success rate so they continue doing the bedrest.  The embryo implants itself within 12-24 hours after the transfer so they feel its important to be on bedrest for best chances of implantation. Bedrest was fun!  Kellie was such a trooper and stayed with me the whole time.  Well, maybe I should say Chris was the trooper!  haha.  He waited on us hand and foot for the entire 36 hours.  At one point we had all 5 of us plus 2 dogs on their bed, haha!! We HAD to take a photo (minus 1 dog) 

So, on Friday I was officially FREE!  It felt really good to be able to get up and shower and move around a little bit!  We did lunch, some shopping and then ended the evening with a great dinner with friends and some games.  Here is a photo of Kenley and I at dinner.  She really became my 'best buddy' (as she says) during the 4 days I was there.

Saying goodbye was really tough!  It's so weird to think that I won't see them for several months!  We had such a great few days together.
Okay, the part you REALLY want to KNOW.  So.... what's next?  WHEN do we find out?  Well, we have a bloodtest on Friday!  Yes, THIS Friday already!  Crazy right?  I know!  So, on Friday we are praying that the beta number on the bloodtest will be at least 50.  If it's 50 or more, that's very promising positive pregnancy.  On Monday they will have me re-test to see if that number has at least doubled.  If so, then we are on our way to #BabyKaufman being here in 9 months!
We need the prayers!!  This wait is tough on all of us.  When I first heard that I would test 9 days after the transfer, I remember saying "Wow, that's so fast, that's awesome!"  But now, it seems like eternity!!!  I cannot wait to know if this baby is attached & thriving in my belly! 

Sorry for the long update, I had so much to say after such a wonderful week.  THANK YOU to the Kaufman's for taking such great care of me. 

A message from Kellie...

We just #hackedtheENERGY supply at It Works Global so I figured it was time for me to hack Makenzie's blog! 

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Kellie and I am the IM (intended mom) and Makenzie is our GC (gestational carrier). We started this crazy journey to #BabyKaufman 6 months ago. As fast as it has flown by, it seems like it an eternity. I can tell you I was never fully prepared for all the emotions that have come along with this. If you are following the blog you have read all the bumps in the road we have incurred. For every bump, came a moment of doubt. Was this the right choice for our family? Is this really possible for us? Where do we go from here? I can tell you that I could not have gone through this process without my husband, Chris. When I was an emotional basket case, he was there to calm my nerves. He has been the one person who has supported this journey since day 1. 

In just 48 hours, the biggest moment of this journey will happen. We will be transferring one embryo in hopes to make our family complete. In just 48 hours, everything we have gone through in the last 6 months will come to a close. I feel like this is the end of a chapter in our story. We all have so many emotions right now. I catch myself looking up strollers, nurseries and the newest baby gadgets to quickly telling myself to not get too far ahead of myself. I've come to the realization that at this point, that everything is in God's hands. And He is good ALL the time! 

I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am for Makenzie and Steven. I truly cannot imagine being on this journey with anyone else. Not only is she giving us the possibility of having another child but she has been my right hand in all of this. When I was negative Nancy she stepped in as my positive Patty. She has been such a rock. We are equally excited about every little thing even when it's painful shots, that time of month, and acne breakouts from hormones. The friendship I have gained in this process I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

Thank you to each of you readers who have supported us, prayed for us, sent us positive thoughts and just have been there for us. I never realized how many people would have an opinion on how you bring a baby into the world until this journey began. I never thought I would have to explain wanting another child. For each person who has questioned our decisions, we have had 100 people wishing us well and I don't think we could have come this far without all the support. Please continue to pray for everyone involved in this journey. On Wednesday, March 4th, at 12:45 PST, we will officially start the 9 month journey to #BabyKaufman. I hope he or she one day realizes how loved they were by so many before they even had a heartbeat. 

Much love you to you all!

Kellie 

A big day before the big day

Good morning everyone!  

Just wanted to do a quick post letting everyone know that today I have my lining check ultrasound.  For my past surrogacy, this was the deciding factor that determined my body wasn't ready for the transfer and it delayed the transfer a week and then the following week was cancelled.  So, it's a big day for us!  The appointment is in a few hours and we can always use some help of our friends to send out some positive vibes for us!  

I know we are all anxious to see how this will go.  For the mock cycle (test round in November) everything looked wonderful so we are praying that everything looks the same for this real cycle & we will be on track for the transfer in 13 days!  

I will post an update early afternoon when I know how everything looks :) 

Thanks for all the positivity you're gonna send our way!  Let's go team fluffy uterus!! 

A Valentine's dream, 3 years in the making

Saturday mornings as I drink my coffee, I often reflect on how the week has gone, what is to come over the next week and how blessed I feel by this life. 
This morning was no different.  After I exchanged Valentine's Day gifts with Steven.  I sat and I watched the kids play in the living room, saw the new puppy sleeping in her bed and notice my husband starting some laundry.  I can't help but feel lucky.  I've worked really hard for all of the things in my life.  And, I have always been a person who knows what she wants and I don't let anything get in my way of that.  I don't see it as a weakness but more of a strength.  My dad explained it perfectly at my wedding, during his speech... he said I am "tenaciously unwilling to yield."  As I remember him saying those words, I laughed.  But, as I've gotten older, I can understand exactly what he meant.  Thinking back to all of the things I've ever desired, I've gotten.  When I was 13, I so badly wanted to be on the Varsity Dance Team, I tried out and I was one of 16 girls who made the squad.  When I was 12, I said I was going to be a photographer and go to school out of state, so I found the perfect school to attend after graduation.  When I was 17, I didn't love high school so I said I would graduate early and work full time until college, so I did.  When I was 18, I said I wouldn't use school loans to pay my way thru school, that instead, I would work to pay rent and expenses, so I did.  When I was 20 and fell in love with Steven, I said I was ready to move back to Iowa and buy our first home, so we did.  When I was 21, I wanted to open a photography studio and begin my career, so I did.  All of these things have something in common... I've worked for each of them.  Not one of those things was handed to me.  I had to put in effort and determination to make each of those things happen as I wanted them to. 
Now, when I was 24, I had a desire to become a gestational surrogate.  I filled out application after application.  I was denied by several agencies because I had my sons preterm & they weren't willing to read further to understand the reasons why.  After months of applications, I was finally accepted into a wonderful agency, The Surrogacy Center in Madison, WI.  I felt like I had finally made it.  My "tenaciously unwilling to yield" spirit, had paid off once again. 
And on February 14, 2012 I wrote a blog post (here)  that said I was about to begin my journey and head to the agency to start the process.  I still remember that day like it was yesterday.  I was SO excited that something I had been dreaming about, was finally becoming a reality.  I had no idea what to expect would happen but I was ready to take it on.  Or... so, I thought.
Almost a year later exactly, the journey collapsed.  I was heartbroken.  This was the first time in my life that my hard work hadn't paid off.  That my determination hadn't brought me success.  It was beyond my control and I was devastated.  So many people wouldn't understand this because it can be hard to relate to.  Being a surrogate has always been in my heart.  Since even before my boys were born it interested me and I had a desire.  I didn't understand it for a long time until my boys were 1 year old and I would sit for hours and watch them play.  My miracle boys.  The boys I was told wouldn't survive birth.  The boys that a doctor looked me and my husband in the face and told me they would have 'problems' if they survived.  That they might not have quality of life.  I remember those moments like they were yesterday and they are nothing anyone can prepare you for.  And, I would imagine that is what it would feel like (or worse) to be told you may never complete your family the way you planned.  That you cannot carry a child of your own.  That you won't welcome a baby into your family.  So, for months I would just think about those thoughts.  I would research surrogacy and I would finally get up enough courage to tell a few family and friends about my wish to be a surrogate.  I was petrified because I knew it was a very unique idea and maybe I would get some push-back.  But, it was so deeply in my heart and I couldn't ignore it. 
So, in February of 2013, I made the decision to walk away from The Surrogacy Center and come to terms that maybe my dream of being a surrogate wouldn't come true, I can't explain it any better than just saying I was heartbroken.  It was a hard thing to do and I never really gave up on the small bit of hope that it could happen, someday.  But, since then, I've changed my families financial situation since I was able to join ItWorks and completely transform our lives, along with help others transform theirs.  In the process, I found a new passion that I never knew existed.  I am so thankful I was given this opportunity and I ran with it, just as I have with anything I ever wanted. 
Today as I sit in my living room and reflect on everything, I happened to filter back thru some of my original blog posts on this site.  It was very interesting to read and even more interesting to look at the dates.  Three years ago to the day my journey was beginning.  Wow.  Hard to believe it has been that long.  So much has happened and it has all played out exactly as it was meant to. 
The couple, Chris and Kellie, that I am going to carry a child for, couldn't be any more amazing.  They couldn't be a more perfect fit for Steven and I.  They couldn't be more giving, loving, caring, genuine, and deserving of this.  Three years wasn't what I had planned when I first started this but I wouldn't want to change any of it.  We are just 2.5 weeks away from the official start of this huge, incredible process and I am just over-the-moon excited!!! 

Today is a day to celebrate love, in any form.  And, I am celebrating in a big way.  Celebrating the beginning of something that has been in the making for 3 years today.  Nothing has meant more to me than all the support I've gotten from all the readers on this blog.  Seriously, thank you all.  Love to you.  Happy Valentine's Day, however you choose to celebrate.