Finding myself in a different place...

First off, my meds are here!  I think this makes everything a little bit more real!  Shouldn't be too long and I will be starting on these for my mock cycle!  The size of the needle doesn't scare me either.  I thought maybe they would be really large but they seem like a pretty average needle similar to one that is used for any vaccine.  

Also, I wanted to share a little bit about a part of this journey that is different from my precious one.  Last time I had gone thru the process, surrogacy had been on my mind for several years.  It always interested me and I researched a lot to learn all about what it entails and how it works.  A few years ago when I was matched with a stranger thru an agency, it's pretty standard to include in the contract, that you will be paid a base compensation plus a pre-determined fee for any additional pain or distress your body goes thru (such as injections, miscarriage, multiple birth, c-section, etc).  At first this was hard for me to wrap my mind around because I had no idea this was part of being a surrogate.  Being compensated was never the reason for wanting to carry a child for another family.  I simply wanted to do it because I couldn't imagine what it feels like not to be able to have your own child naturally.  That would have to be devastating to anyone.  And, I felt I could give that gift to someone else.  But, the reality was, that compensation would have really helped us during that time.  We knew it was going to be more than a year out of my life & so it made sense to go forward with the standard compensation & fees, as suggested by the agency.  We would be able to save some of this money and pay off some debt.  

Well, as I've mentioned before, that journey fell thru and this time around is much different.  The IPs and I have been matched on our own.  We know each other personally & so we are doing this "independently".  Meaning, we have no agency involved this time around.  Regardless if your doing an independent surrogacy or one thru an agency, many still follow the compensation & fee schedule.  

But, my family and I are in a completely different spot than we were 2 years ago.  It doesn't make sense for us to have any compensation or fees this time around.   The couple we have decided to do this for is such an amazing couple and we adore them.  I feel like the timing of all of this was meant to work out like this.  And I feel in my heart, I have no reason for any compensation.  The IPs will cover any expenses related to the surrogacy but outside of that, no money will be exchanged.  Yes, I realize that a pregnancy is tough on your body.  I realize that I will gain weight, be uncomfortable, lose sleep, not fit in my clothes, give myself injections, and put my mind & heart thru an emotional rollercoaster but I also know what the end result will be.  Two parents who have longed for this child and who are out of options.  Who dream of what he or she will look like, what they will name the baby, introducing this baby to their family, & watching this baby grow up for many years to come.  That, to me, is why I'm doing this.  I have the ability to give back in a huge huge way and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Being a surrogate is an amazing gift, regardless if you get the compensation, because I can promise that those women end up earning every dime.  And you must have an extremely giving heart to begin with.   But, for me, it goes much deeper than that.  This process is expensive enough for the intended parents and I feel this is what I'm meant to do.  Two years ago, this wouldn't have been an option for us, and because we are in such a different place financially, I feel it's only my gift to be able to pay it forward.  To give this priceless gift of life to another family in need.  My form of payment will be seeing the faces of the intended parents in the delivery room when they meet their baby for the first time.  There is no dollar amount on a check that could pay me that.  

<3. 

Leaving you with a photo from our weekend :) 

Salty news, turns sweet!

The last week has been full of preparation for the next few months.  Lots of paperwork to fill out for the clinic & lawyers.  Last week I had my IUD removed at my local OB office and so far things have been great with that.

I just got back from Florida yesterday and was there for a life changing event for It Works called the Green Carpet Experience.  It was so much fun to see all my friends from all over the country & be re-inspired for what this amazing company offers us!  My husband and I were honored to be featured in the first ever magazine called "The Wrap" from the publishers of SUCCESS magazine!  Here is a photo of the full page of our story!  I still feel in my heart that my last surrogacy wasn't meant to work out because it would have never led me to find this opportunity that has changed our life.

While I was in Florida, I heard from the IM that she had gotten a call from the reproductive clinic about my records.  Up to this point the doctor hadn't fully reviewed them in their entirety.  He let the IP's know that due to my previous surrogacy experience, he feels it would be best for me to do a 'mock cycle' prior to the IM doing her egg retrieval.  I know IM was really upset by this news at first and when she initially contacted me, I kind of felt punched in the gut, like last time.  But after a few hours went by and I could really process the information, I decided this was actually really good news.

Last time around, my uterine lining didn't grow like the doctor would want.   And after 2 failed attempts, my IF decided to move on and find a new surrogate.   So, with this current doctor reading all of the documentation, he thinks it would be best to be sure my lining responds to the treatment before the IP's have embryos frozen.  I think this is great!!  Then, myself and the IP's know going in, what to expect.  I know the IP's were surprised to hear this at first but if all goes as planned, this just pushes the egg retrieval back by 2 weeks.  So, it's not like this would delay everything a ton.  What a mock cycle means is that I will start on Estrogen & prepare my body for a transfer (without actually planning to do the transfer).  They will monitor me with ultrasounds to see how my lining grows with the estrogen.  This will give them a great guideline of what my body responds to and what it doesn't so adjustments can be made, if needed.

I received info from the clinic today that allowed me to get a glimpse into the schedule I will have during the mock cycle.  It will start in about 3 weeks and I will give myself intramuscular injections (into the upper hip) of estrogen.  I haven't done this kind of estrogen before so I am anxious to see if this is what will do the job!  Maybe the estrogen patches & suppositories I was on last time just didn't blend well with my body!  I haven't ever minded injections too much.  I mean, no one loves a shot, but I don't dread them either!

The IP's let me know that they have been telling family over the last few weeks and so far everyone has been really supportive.  I know how important that is!  I remember the first time I started telling the world about wanting to be a surrogate and I was petrified for what response we would get!  But, to my surprise, everyone has been amazing... especially this go-round.

I still feel in my gut that this is all going to work out and be a smooth process!  There is just something inside me telling me not to worry and just roll with the punches.  No matter what, this will be an emotional journey, even if it goes as smoothly as possible... so we have to be able to take these bumps with a grain of salt and know it's just part of the journey!

I am so excited for the coming months and, as always, want to thank you for the continued support!

We are really doing this!

Just a short update to let you know that things are really moving along!  Here's what's happening so far. 

• I am getting my IUD removed next week so I can start timing my cycles to begin meds 
• the IM (intended mom) has started birth control pills and has a tentative egg retrieval date of the first week in December 
• the IPs (intended parents) have been cleared to go forward after medical and psychological testing.  My favorite part is the psychologist told them that she felt like this was going to be a really smooth sailing compared to most  :)
• We should be drafting a contract over the next few weeks with our lawyers 
• We are discussing when is the best time to start announcing who the IPs are and they are deciding when to tell their friends/family.  The psychologist said today she thinks its okay to do that now.  
• For those of you wondering; we will be doing a frozen embryo transfer, so that will make it a little easier with timing because I won't have to synchronize cycles with the IM, which can get complicated & take months.  I've heard lately that frozen transfers seem to have a little bit better of a success rate than fresh.  So, fingers crossed!  

The clinic we are using seems to really be on top of everything and doesn't waste any time so that's been great!  I know the IP's are anxious to get started and so am I.  Right now it sounds like the transfer should be within 3-6 months or so.  Crazy!  

Over the last week I've gotten really excited.  20 months ago when everything fell thru, my heart was literally crushed.  And, for the past year I felt like I had closed that chapter of my life.  But, I believe this came into my path for a major reason.  I know this was exactly as it was supposed work out.  And now all those feelings of excitement are back.  I know I learned a lot from my previous experience and that's really going to help me along on this journey.  I got an email with some updates from the IM this week and at the very end of it she wrote "So are you SURE you want to do this?  You know it's okay to tell me if you changed your mind..."  It made me smile.  Because in that moment, I was SO sure.  Surer than I've ever been before I think.  I know this time is it.  Everything is falling into place without much effort at all.  I know in my heart that its going to be smooth sailing, just like the psychologist predicts.  And I cannot WAIT to announce who the IPs are.  You are going to fall in love with them, just as I have.  They have hearts of gold and deserve this gift of life. 

I LOVE that this journey doesn't have to be a secret this time... so, with that, I am going to be sharing much more.  My husband and I shared our 6 year wedding anniversary on Saturday and here is a photo from the day :)

Fall has officially arrived!  We took our kids to the pumpkin patch this weekend and to the zoo.   Lots of fun.  Hard to believe these buddies are going to be 5 years old next month. 

 Well, that's all for now!  I will update once anything more happens in the process!  Thanks for all the well wishes :)