Finding myself in a different place...

First off, my meds are here!  I think this makes everything a little bit more real!  Shouldn't be too long and I will be starting on these for my mock cycle!  The size of the needle doesn't scare me either.  I thought maybe they would be really large but they seem like a pretty average needle similar to one that is used for any vaccine.  

Also, I wanted to share a little bit about a part of this journey that is different from my precious one.  Last time I had gone thru the process, surrogacy had been on my mind for several years.  It always interested me and I researched a lot to learn all about what it entails and how it works.  A few years ago when I was matched with a stranger thru an agency, it's pretty standard to include in the contract, that you will be paid a base compensation plus a pre-determined fee for any additional pain or distress your body goes thru (such as injections, miscarriage, multiple birth, c-section, etc).  At first this was hard for me to wrap my mind around because I had no idea this was part of being a surrogate.  Being compensated was never the reason for wanting to carry a child for another family.  I simply wanted to do it because I couldn't imagine what it feels like not to be able to have your own child naturally.  That would have to be devastating to anyone.  And, I felt I could give that gift to someone else.  But, the reality was, that compensation would have really helped us during that time.  We knew it was going to be more than a year out of my life & so it made sense to go forward with the standard compensation & fees, as suggested by the agency.  We would be able to save some of this money and pay off some debt.  

Well, as I've mentioned before, that journey fell thru and this time around is much different.  The IPs and I have been matched on our own.  We know each other personally & so we are doing this "independently".  Meaning, we have no agency involved this time around.  Regardless if your doing an independent surrogacy or one thru an agency, many still follow the compensation & fee schedule.  

But, my family and I are in a completely different spot than we were 2 years ago.  It doesn't make sense for us to have any compensation or fees this time around.   The couple we have decided to do this for is such an amazing couple and we adore them.  I feel like the timing of all of this was meant to work out like this.  And I feel in my heart, I have no reason for any compensation.  The IPs will cover any expenses related to the surrogacy but outside of that, no money will be exchanged.  Yes, I realize that a pregnancy is tough on your body.  I realize that I will gain weight, be uncomfortable, lose sleep, not fit in my clothes, give myself injections, and put my mind & heart thru an emotional rollercoaster but I also know what the end result will be.  Two parents who have longed for this child and who are out of options.  Who dream of what he or she will look like, what they will name the baby, introducing this baby to their family, & watching this baby grow up for many years to come.  That, to me, is why I'm doing this.  I have the ability to give back in a huge huge way and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Being a surrogate is an amazing gift, regardless if you get the compensation, because I can promise that those women end up earning every dime.  And you must have an extremely giving heart to begin with.   But, for me, it goes much deeper than that.  This process is expensive enough for the intended parents and I feel this is what I'm meant to do.  Two years ago, this wouldn't have been an option for us, and because we are in such a different place financially, I feel it's only my gift to be able to pay it forward.  To give this priceless gift of life to another family in need.  My form of payment will be seeing the faces of the intended parents in the delivery room when they meet their baby for the first time.  There is no dollar amount on a check that could pay me that.  

<3. 

Leaving you with a photo from our weekend :)