Why?? .... The question she didn't want to have to explain...

An entry from Kellie: 

So many people have asked WHY I can't carry a baby for myself. I would be lying if I said that doesn't sting each time. I've learned in this experience to never ask a woman more than she is offering to tell when it comes to infertility. So although I wanted this blog entry to be about #BabyKaufman, I feel like I needed to start here for now. 

4 years ago, we let out the biggest sigh of relief when our little peanut we fought for since 12 weeks was born, breathing and overall healthy. Although she was earlier than we would've hoped, she was perfect. 

At our very first ultrasound with Kenley, we were told I had a complete placenta previa. The placenta was completely covering my cervix and was very unlikely to move out of the way. This complication can go without any issues or can be life threatening for mom and/or baby without much in between. Immediately some lifestyle changes had to take place. For the next 3 months, we didn't have any major issues along the way and all was smooth sailing. 

At 26 weeks, I woke up, as normal, with Campbell Lynn and went in to go to the bathroom (all us moms know you are basically dying to pee each morning) and everything changed. I immediately knew something was wrong but had a sweet 19 month old baby girl looking straight at me. I was bleeding out. I asked Campbell, very calmly, if she could go get my phone for me. She quickly did exactly that. I called Chris, who luckily at the time worked 5 minutes away and told him "it was happening." 

Chris raced home and got me to the ER where we found out I was having contractions I wasn't feeling which caused my placenta to abrupt. They said we were going to have this baby today. I was terrified. We had no name. No nursery. There were so many things I planned to do with Campbell before her sister came. So much more time I needed with just her. When I asked them what to expect with her at this gestation, they said "all we can say is she will be viable." That was the worst moment of my life. 

Luckily, after two rounds of magnesium (hell on earth) and 5 days in the hospital, my doctor was able to control my contractions and stop all bleeding. I was sent home on STRICT bed rest (to the bathroom and back) for the remainder of my pregnancy. After a few weekly checkups, my doctor decided the risk of keeping me pregnant was much higher than the risk of delivering her early. I was told I would've had around 3 min to get to a hospital had I ruptured again before completely bleeding out. 

Here comes the tough part... At my last appointment, my doctor asked about our future plans for children. In that moment, I confidently said we were done. Who wouldn't after all of that?! She instantly looked relieved. She informed us that she would HIGHLY recommend me never carrying a child again. The risk was too high. She couldn't make me do it but I would be risking my girls never having a mom to watch them grow up if I decided to do otherwise. There was too much damage. The odds were against us. In that moment, we agreed on me having a tubal during my c-section and I was confident in that choice. 

On September 27, 2011, we went into the OR with a blood bank ready to go and welcomed our miracle baby Kenley Jae. During my c-section, my doctor let out a gasp and said I had the largest blood vessels she had ever seen. That was a scary thought for someone with my condition. After it was all done, tubal and all, I held Kenley for the first time. She was perfection. That day was the beginning of our journey as a family of 4 and also a day that begin our journey to #BabyKaufman.