Hangin' out on cloud 9...

As I sit here, I am looking at the computer screen with welled up eyes.  So much so, it's hard for me to see the computer screen.  It's difficult to even try to explain the day that Steven and I had yesterday, meeting the intended father for the child I will carry as a surrogate.
When I started thinking about surrogacy, I often would daydream about the parents I would carry for.  All types of people would cross my mind & so many thoughts would consume my imagination.  But, never did I think we could find someone so absolutely perfect for us, as we did yesterday.

We arrived to the agency in Wisconsin around 1pm and as soon as we walked in, the receptionist let us know that the dad and the 2 coordinators had went to lunch and would be back shortly.  Oh man, the nerves set in!  I sat there anxiously awaiting the car to pull up.  So much so, the receptionist said "You are nervous, aren't you???"  I said "YES!  Very!!" It's a moment I had dreamed up to be so right that I was afraid it could go wrong.
The ladies walked in first and of course we exchanged big hugs since it had been 6 months since we have seen them.  And, then I walked over and introduced myself & Steven and gave a big hugs to the intended dad.  <--- who from now on we will just call "Frank"  to make it simpler.
Over the next 2 hours the 5 of us just talked and talked about what is to come.  Frank explained to us why is he reaching out to surrogacy & how all he wants in this lifetime is to become a father.  At points in the conversation I just looked to Steven and was like "Wow, could he be more perfect for us?"  We both agreed that he reminds us of two of my best guy friends mixed into one person.  Which of course, describes what a great match he is for us.
We got all of the necessary questions answered and we decided to head back to Iowa and Frank would follow us.
After he checked into his hotel, we brought him to see our house, meet my parents and meet our boys.  We had a great chat with him and my parents (with all the 3 year old crazy boy chaos going on in the background).  It was at this point in the conversation that Frank mentioned he is very active with charity work.  I basically wanted to do a double take... "I'm sorry... you're what?!"  For anyone who knows me, knows I am a huge advocate for the March of Dimes, as well as several other non-profit organizations and charities.  I looked over to Steven and I said "I just can't believe it.  He is such a great fit"
After about an hour of meeting with my family, the 3 of us decided to head to one of the restaurants in town here so we could really get to know each other.  IT.WENT.FABULOUS.
We didn't stop talking for the entire 2 hours we were there.  We talked about our pasts, our siblings, our parents, traveling, children, relationships and of course, this baby who will make their appearance next year.  We talked about how communication will work over the course of the year and how often we can chat.  I let him know that I am very willing to chat everyday by email or phone.  I can't imagine how hard it will be for him to be 1,000's of miles away from his growing baby & not know what is going on.  He said to me "please tell me how you are feeling.  If you feel great, tell me.  If you are going to throw up, tell me.  I want to know the good and the bad, too."

I remember sitting at the dinner table, across from Frank and just soaking it all in.  I held back tears and thought to myself "This is why I am doing this."  Adoption isn't an option for a single man and this is his only option to have a child.  We can help him do that.  We can help his dream come true.

 Everything felt so natural with the 3 of us and I know that is what is most important in this journey.

Well, I think that is all for now.  We are going to pick up Frank from his hotel and take him to see our restaurant and my studio!  Thanks again for your support!

Meet the Parent! :)

So we finally have a date set to meet the intended dad that I will be a gestational surrogate for!  The BIG DAY is set for Aug 29 and we will meet at the agency in Wisconsin!
If all goes well, the dad plans to come back to CR to meet my family/friends and to see the community and my workplace.  Steven and I are both so excited that this process has started moving along and we can't wait to finally meet the ID.
We also know that the ID is completely supportive of me blogging this journey.  He knows that this will be a good outlet for me, all the while, promoting positive and ethical surrogacy ideas.  That made me extremely happy.  As of right now, his identity will stay private and I don't plan on posting photos or his name, unless he gives me the Ok to do so.  But, I will be sure to share anything and everything you may or may not want to know! ha!  :)

Also, the agency gals have said that this will most likely move pretty quickly after our first meeting with a tentative TRANSFER in October!  Yikes, I might be pregnant in just a few short months!  :)

So, the countdown begins... we are meeting in less than 18 days!  WOOOHOOOO!  I can't wait to post after we meet.

The wait was so worth it....

All I can say is I was able to read the file (and see photos!) of the intended dad and OH MY.  It feels so right.  Now I know, the wait was so worth it.  It's been 6 months that I have been waiting for a match but I didn't want to settle for anything that didn't feel right.
(Those of you who missed a blog post or two, my last match didn't feel right to me as we got further into the process, so I decided to wait until the agency had a new match.)

So, a little about my match... A single guy who wants nothing more than to be a dad.  Reading his application it made me realize he really wants this.  When the agency first told me a bit about him, I was cautiously optimistic, but I was slightly worried all at the same time.  I was already matched with a single guy and it ended up not being at all the right match for me... would this happen again?  I can't say that those thoughts and concerns didn't consume me, but, as LeeAnn (from agency) went on to explain him and his story, I knew it was meant to be.  He was previously matched with a surrogate and unfortunately had some failed transfers and even lost twins at 11 weeks- so, he was told it would be best to find a new surrogate.  That totally breaks my heart that he has already had to endure such heartache in his process.  But, it is also a total eye opener.  After going thru all of that, some people would give up hope and decide to quit... but, he wants a child so badly & will keep fighting for his dream.  I hope I can be the right match for him!

We will call this match, "intended dad" or "ID" as I am writing about him in this blog.  ID sounds like a total sweetheart and I am anxious to meet him!  AND, he already has a flight scheduled for the end of August... eeekkkk!  We will be meeting in a month.

The agency has said that he is very ready for this.  Although this whole process is a waiting game, it sounds like this will move very quickly because of all he has already been thru.
What an amazing match.  I knew it would be worth it.

Smiling ear to ear,

Kenzi :)

Some news... :)

This is going to be short and sweet just as a quick update.  I got a call a few days ago that the agency had lined up a new potential match!  I'm pretty excited about it, especially because of how great of a match the agency thinks we are :)
I am not going to give any more details until my application has been approved by the intended parent and until I have approved their file.  I am trying not to get too excited yet until I know this is the right match, for us :) I am prepared to wait a little longer if it doesn't feel right.  Like I've said before, this is a major experience in my life and I want it to be the best it can be.
Have a good Sunday, I should have 'news' very soon since the agency says this match would move VERY quickly.  :)

Back to the drawing board...

Hello again.
Just wanting to update the blog with some not-so-fantastic-news.  After much consideration, it looked like "S" might not be the perfect match for me, after all.

He found this blog and was very concerned about what could and couldn't be posted on this during my journey.  Honestly, I felt very disappointed.  When I first started this blog, I remember chatting with the gals at the agency and they were 100% all for me blogging my experience.  At one point I remember LeeAnn saying "That will be a great way for your intended parents to feel connected to you and the pregnancy.  What a great idea!"
Well, that isn't how S felt and he felt I possibly crossed some lines in what I had already said in my blog.
When the intended parents that I will carry for read my blog I want them to smile, laugh, and possibly even cry because they feel I am the correct match for them.  I would never want them to feel like I crossed any boundaries.  This is a year out of my life, or possibly more, and I want my family and friends to feel connected to this journey, thus, why I feel the need to blog it.
 I want to inspire others, to journal my thoughts and most importantly, share my experience.  Surrogacy is a very unique thing, these days, and I felt alone when I started this process.  Reading (other surrogate) blogs were a way for me to read about the process & see what to expect in the coming months.
I have already had 5 woman contact me that are inspired to be a surrogate too and have asked how they should get started once they are ready.  THAT is why I write this blog.  I know that without my husbands support and pushing me to move forward, I would have never filled out that first application.  And, sometimes thats all you need to do something 'different'.... just someone telling you it is ok to do something that not EVERYONE wants to do (or could do.)  So, for me, my blog might be a good push for someone else who has considered being a surrogate; or even a loving parent wanting a child and needing a surrogate.

This whole situation has definitely taught me that I want to be who I am throughout this entire process.  Sharing my life with others is how I choose to live my life.  I am an extremely open person & I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I am not going to change that and  I hope to find intended parents that love that about me.  I know there is a perfect match out there for me somewhere... I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer!

Thanks for reading and I will be SURE to update once I have another potential match.  Until then, I wait *patiently*.

Officially a MATCH

I was unavailable today for about an hour and of course that one hour I received a phone call from The Surrogacy Center with THE NEWS.

I had a voicemail from LeeAnn (the director of agency) who said she had GREAT news for me.  S loved my file and is so excited.  She gave me some direct quotes from his email- this is written by his translator/friend,  

"S  has been over the moon about the fact you have already found a surrogate and such a perfect one as well. I would like to express his deepest thanks on his behalf. He said that he was so grateful to you for finding such a positive person full of energy and wanting to share her joy of being parents with him."

Ohhhh, I definitely welled up with tears when I read that.  I can't believe I am officially matched.  The next step is I will get to look over all of his information and just be sure that I am ok with all of it- but, I am sure I will be.  After that... we MEET. I will know more information after I actually talk to LeeAnn tomorrow morning.  So, I will definitely update you all! 

I don't know what else to say other than I am SO excited. This process if finally happening!!!

Thanks for reading! xoxo

I'm JUST the oven.

Hi everyone!

Just a very quick post to clear up the question of "Is this your egg and S's sperm?"  NO NO NO.  Absolutely not.  This will NOT be my egg and never would be.

The agency I work with only does "Gestational surrogates" meaning the surrogate carries a child whom is not related to them.  It is called "Traditional surrogacy" when the the surrogate uses her own egg but the intended father's sperm.  This is a lot messier when it comes to the birth of the child since adoption would need to be involved, etc.

There are some people that can donate eggs and be totally ok with it... but, I am not one of them.  I will be  just the oven bakin' this lil bun!  :)  Hope that clears up that question!  I posted that a few posts back but I assume not everyone will be reading back thru all of them.

Still waiting to hear something!  I will be sure to post it as soon as I know anything!