Back to the drawing board...

Hello again.
Just wanting to update the blog with some not-so-fantastic-news.  After much consideration, it looked like "S" might not be the perfect match for me, after all.

He found this blog and was very concerned about what could and couldn't be posted on this during my journey.  Honestly, I felt very disappointed.  When I first started this blog, I remember chatting with the gals at the agency and they were 100% all for me blogging my experience.  At one point I remember LeeAnn saying "That will be a great way for your intended parents to feel connected to you and the pregnancy.  What a great idea!"
Well, that isn't how S felt and he felt I possibly crossed some lines in what I had already said in my blog.
When the intended parents that I will carry for read my blog I want them to smile, laugh, and possibly even cry because they feel I am the correct match for them.  I would never want them to feel like I crossed any boundaries.  This is a year out of my life, or possibly more, and I want my family and friends to feel connected to this journey, thus, why I feel the need to blog it.
 I want to inspire others, to journal my thoughts and most importantly, share my experience.  Surrogacy is a very unique thing, these days, and I felt alone when I started this process.  Reading (other surrogate) blogs were a way for me to read about the process & see what to expect in the coming months.
I have already had 5 woman contact me that are inspired to be a surrogate too and have asked how they should get started once they are ready.  THAT is why I write this blog.  I know that without my husbands support and pushing me to move forward, I would have never filled out that first application.  And, sometimes thats all you need to do something 'different'.... just someone telling you it is ok to do something that not EVERYONE wants to do (or could do.)  So, for me, my blog might be a good push for someone else who has considered being a surrogate; or even a loving parent wanting a child and needing a surrogate.

This whole situation has definitely taught me that I want to be who I am throughout this entire process.  Sharing my life with others is how I choose to live my life.  I am an extremely open person & I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I am not going to change that and  I hope to find intended parents that love that about me.  I know there is a perfect match out there for me somewhere... I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer!

Thanks for reading and I will be SURE to update once I have another potential match.  Until then, I wait *patiently*.

Officially a MATCH

I was unavailable today for about an hour and of course that one hour I received a phone call from The Surrogacy Center with THE NEWS.

I had a voicemail from LeeAnn (the director of agency) who said she had GREAT news for me.  S loved my file and is so excited.  She gave me some direct quotes from his email- this is written by his translator/friend,  

"S  has been over the moon about the fact you have already found a surrogate and such a perfect one as well. I would like to express his deepest thanks on his behalf. He said that he was so grateful to you for finding such a positive person full of energy and wanting to share her joy of being parents with him."

Ohhhh, I definitely welled up with tears when I read that.  I can't believe I am officially matched.  The next step is I will get to look over all of his information and just be sure that I am ok with all of it- but, I am sure I will be.  After that... we MEET. I will know more information after I actually talk to LeeAnn tomorrow morning.  So, I will definitely update you all! 

I don't know what else to say other than I am SO excited. This process if finally happening!!!

Thanks for reading! xoxo

I'm JUST the oven.

Hi everyone!

Just a very quick post to clear up the question of "Is this your egg and S's sperm?"  NO NO NO.  Absolutely not.  This will NOT be my egg and never would be.

The agency I work with only does "Gestational surrogates" meaning the surrogate carries a child whom is not related to them.  It is called "Traditional surrogacy" when the the surrogate uses her own egg but the intended father's sperm.  This is a lot messier when it comes to the birth of the child since adoption would need to be involved, etc.

There are some people that can donate eggs and be totally ok with it... but, I am not one of them.  I will be  just the oven bakin' this lil bun!  :)  Hope that clears up that question!  I posted that a few posts back but I assume not everyone will be reading back thru all of them.

Still waiting to hear something!  I will be sure to post it as soon as I know anything!

A Potential MATCH!

Well, today is the day I have been waiting months for!  LeeAnn (from the agency) called me today with news of a potential match!  I was so eager for her phone call and even had a hard time sleeping last night knowing it was coming!  :)

So, she said the potential match is a man from France--for privacy purposes until I get his "ok" we will call him "S".  LeeAnn said that S is a single guy from France who is super easy-going, relaxed and has a love of life.  LeeAnn said that S and I share the same "spark for life."  I LOVED hearing that and couldn't stop smiling the whole conversation with LeeAnn.
She said S is a pharmacist in France and has no kids, yet.  LeeAnn said he loves his family very much and sent an entire photobook along with his application.  Of course I LOVE that he loves photos!  :)

He said in his application that "his purpose in life was to have children and be a father."  I admit, I got tears in my eyes hearing LeeAnn say that.  THAT statement is the exact reason I want to be a surrogate.

 When Steven and I originally were filling out our application for this process, we had decided that we wouldn't check the box for single parents.  We had thought this process should be for a couple to do together.  But, as soon as we got further into this journey- we changed our minds 100%.  Steven and I are so open to all types of lifestyles.  No ones life is better than another and no ones beliefs are either.  When we had our interview with the agency back in February we explained that we were open to a single parent surrogacy.  What if Steven and I had never met?  Does that mean I shouldn't be a mommy?  And Steven can't become a daddy?  No.  Period.
There are people put on this Earth that feel their sole purpose was to have a family and to love that family, unconditionally.  And, S is a great example of that.

Surrogacy isn't an easy process for intended parents.  It's very costly, time consuming and I am sure it is extremely scary.  If a single parent has decided to start this process, that exudes their strength and their love for wanting a family.  There isn't too many people in this world that could go thru surrogacy; but I think that if a single parent can get thru that- then they can surely get thru everything that a single parent has to go thru in the years following the birth of their child.

S has 2 weeks to look over my application and make a final decision.  My insurance coverage falls into some 'grey area'.  It isn't a yes or a no as to if surrogacy pregnancy is covered so that is something that S has to consider.  He would need to take out an extra policy for me just in case my insurance denies the claims.
So, its going to be a LONG 2 week wait!  But, LeeAnn said that she hopes to get some feedback right away and she will let me know if she hears anything!  He will have my file today and can start going thru it right away.
LeeAnn said that S said he would like to come from France and meet me VERY soon if he decides we are good match!  So, LeeAnn said this process would start to move very quickly.  Eeeekkkk!!

Thank you again for all of your support, words, comments, thoughts, prayers.  I appreciated the positivity more than you guys will ever know.  LOVE.LOVE.LOVE to you all.

I can't stop smiling, in case you were wondering :)  :)  :)


Kenzi

No news...

Just wanted to write a quick update to say I still have NO news!  Still waiting to be matched with a potential family and this wait is tough!  I do have to admit that it has gone by rather quickly since it has been almost 2 months since we were welcomed into the program.  I guess the nice weather is a good distraction for me.

Seems like I run into so many close family & friends and one of the first questions is "Any news on surrogacy?"  So, to answer that question...."Nope!"
I promise you guys will all be the FIRST to know when there is news!   Thank you again for all of the positive support. So far we have yet to have any negative feedback (well.... at least none to our face!)  :)

A good answer to THE question....

No news yet.  Man, I am so impatient! I check my email every 5 minutes :)

I am happy to say I have gotten such amazing feedback from all of my family & friends.  So much positivity!  You guys have no idea how much it means to have your support.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The main question I have gotten is "WHY?"  Well,  I wish I had a good answer for you.
Surrogacy has always interested me and I think my thoughts started back in high school about wanting to be a surrogate mom.  It was something that was always in the back of my head but I never thought it would be something I would do.  However, most of you that know me, know that if I want to do it... I DO IT.  So, I guess it goes without explanation that if I wanted to do it, it would happen.  I mentioned it to Steven a few times when we were dating but we really didn't discuss it much.

After the boys were born it was a constant thought of mine.  Steven and I would talk about it here and there but nothing serious.  After the boys' first birthday Steven and I had the major discussion that we didn't want any more of our own children.  We had always planned on having two kids & so just because we got them at the same time, didn't mean we had to change our plan & have more.  So last summer I started becoming very serious with surrogacy plans & applying to agencies.  At this point, Steven was on board and understood how much it meant to me.  I guess you could say this is a dream of mine.  I want to help deserving parents make THEIR dream come true. I couldn't imagine not being able to get pregnant & have to deal with infertility.  It isn't fair.  Everyone should be able to have their own child.  Plus, I loved being pregnant.
These past few weeks I have been reading several blogs written by surrogate moms & it has really helped prepare me for whats to come & what to expect thru-out it all.  Last night I came across a blog written by an intended mom.  It was so neat to read the other side of surrogacy.  I still have a lot more reading to do on this blog but I came across one post that just SAYS IT ALL.  Like I said, the one question I have gotten is "Why would you do this for a stranger?"  And, I feel like what people want to say is "So, you are getting paid for this?".  Well, yes and no.  Yes, I will be getting paid but no this is NOT why I am doing it.
This blog I was reading had a surrogate mom ask what the intended moms view of the compensation was and I just LOVE her response.  If you choose to not read anything else that I post... just read this.

The intended mom was asked this question  
"Jaymee, you speak so highly of surrogates. How do you feel about the compensation aspect? Most surrogates request financial compensation for their journeys. I'd love it if you could post your thoughts, as an Intended Mom, on that issue. As a surrogate, that was (and continues to be) my biggest hurdle. From my seat it feels like people suck all of the good out of the journey just because of that one detail; as if it is not a good thing unless it is "free". But the people speaking those words have never been in your shoes; I wonder how it is viewed from your side?"


And here is HER response.  Again, this is coming from an intended mom. (so, the mom who will be having a surrogate carry her biological child for her).

"Wow, are you sure, you would not just like to know the meaning of life?
Seriously, this was one of my major concerns when we started this process. First, I need to dispel the myth that all surrogates are poor, financially unstable, and uneducated. In my experience, this could not be further from the truth. The majority of these women are doing this to help others experience the joys of parenthood, they had easy pregnancies or in some cases dealt with infertility themselves or someone close to them has, the money that they receive is a secondary benefit. From what I have read many of these women are using the money to put away extra funds, start college funds, or to help pay for further education for themselves, they are not using the money to throw crazy parties or expensive vacations. Most of the surrogates that I know are appalled when others comment on how nice it must be to get the extra money.
It would be wonderful to live in a world where everything was free, time ran as fast or a slow, as we needed, and every problem would be solved with a hug and a kiss. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything, including the air at the gas station, costs money. We as a society have agreed that the paper with dead white guys on it is how we are going to trade goods and services, and yet somehow we have made it something dirty when it come to particular goods and services. I guess I could give my surrogate a $25,000 piece of jewelry, like a friend of mine received from her husband after the birth of their first child. That would then really feel like buying a baby and what a more degrading way than with something bright and shiny like you use to distract small children.
For me the compensation came down to taking an honest look at what money was being paid out and what that money was for. Reality is that being pregnant costs money, you eat more, you need new clothes, you need more help with you own children, you have to travel to doctors' offices and worse you have to sit in doctors' offices. Then there is the physical toll that pregnancy takes on the body, weight gain, swelling, being uncomfortable, heartburn, hemorrhoids, morning sickness, not seeing your feet, loss of sleep, limited mobility, and a thousand other things. Of course, there is the big pink elephant on roller skates in the middle of the room, the baby/ies have to get out, and that is something that is not pretty, I saw the film in health class and that is some serious pain and suffering. Of course, this would be assuming that she was getting pregnant the "old fashioned way", which is not how it works. So add to all that the injections (done by her significant other or herself), hormone overloads, and all the other lovely things that come along with regular infertility treatments. Now tell me that you would willing do that free for a stranger.
In making, my decisions through out this process I have tried to put myself in the shoes of our future surrogate. This is hard to do at times, because I have never been pregnant and cannot fully appreciate what pregnancy is like. I consider myself to be a very generous person, I give to charity, donate my time, and think nothing of going out of my way to help others, but short of doing this for my sister (and even then there would have to be some really nice Christmas presents) I would never put myself through all that for nothing. Sure, the knowing that I helped fulfillsomeone's life dream would be an amazing feeling, but realistically I do not think that many people are that altruistic.
This is Joe-bob and mine's child who is lucky enough to have another woman willing to get them through the gestation period. This is going to sound like I am insane but bear with me for a moment. As a teenager, I was clinically depressed and my parents, who loved me more than anything, sent me to a boarding school where people could help me in a way that they were unable to at the time. Those people were paid to care for me when my parents were unable to, and nobody would expect it to have been any other way. I am unable to care for our child through gestation so we are sending it to someone who can. I do not see any difference in me going to boarding school and using a surrogate. Maybe I am stretching here but I really see these things as analogous.
What our surrogate will give to us is something that no amount of money could ever repay. How much is the appropriate amount for a dream? So realistically, the compensation that she is getting is simply for her pain and suffering, and I believe that she deserves every penny of that 25 to 35,000 dollars. At least this way I do not feel the need to follow her around for the rest of her life laying rose petals at her feet or erect a temple in her honor. In reality, she is not just giving us the chance to be parents. Going through this process is giving us the chance to heal from years of disappointment, intense pain, and so many moments of agony. Infertility takes away so much of your dignity, self-respect, confidence, trust and faith in humanity; it makes you bitter and makes the world a horrible place to live. The first time that I knew it was stealing parts of me was the first time that someone who I love told me that they were pregnant and I was angry. People are supposed to share in the happiness of a new life, not be angry and jealous. I do not want you to think that I believe a child alone will heal all this, because it will not and I am well aware of that.
Before we started this process, I did a lot of work on myself. Bringing all the pain and hurt of infertility into a surrogacy takes away from the beauty of the process. If you are going to be jealous of your surrogate and think that you are less of a woman, because another woman is carrying your child then you and your surrogate are in for a very long journey. From what I have seen of others' experiences it is these feelings that lead to misery for everyone involved. This is not a process for the weak; you have to know who you are and where your limits are to get through this, which goes for both parties. People are going to question what you are doing and say some of the most horrible things you have ever heard straight to your face. Without knowing whom you are and how you got here surrogacy is going to be another painful experience and the pressure will bury you. That is why being in this for just the money will never work; there is not enough money in the world to make anyone go through what surrogacy asks of you. It is a beautiful and amazing way to begin a family. It is also difficult and emotionally draining.

I want to get as much information into the world as I can about this process.

 I hope this answered your question. "

I hope this puts into perspective WHY I am doing what I am doing.  Reading this moms response just warms my heart.  She truly gets it.  She knows what the meaning of life is and that is all I want to give... life.  

Thanks for reading.  :)

Couldn't be more excited!

Wow, what a day we've had.  A great, perfect, extraordinary day.

It started at 6am when we hopped into the car and headed to Wisconsin to the Agency we are working with.  We met LeeAnn right away and I instantly knew we were in the right place.  Everything was no natural & I felt like I could talk to her for hours.
For the next two hours we talked about the entire process and what we could expect.  It was so nice to be able to ask ANY questions we had & also to be able to hear what this journey was going to be like.  We talked about all the "what ifs" and "could yous"....  LeeAnn was very impressed with us & said we were ideal candidates.  We still weren't 'in the clear' YET since we had 3-4 hours of psychological testing & interviews to do.  But, we were pretty confident that would go ok.

Well, it did!  We talked about everything with the psychologist.  Our childhood, parents, siblings, the way we were raised, our values, our beliefs, our life experiences, why we want to do surrogacy, our jobs, my past pregnancy, the boys, and basically anything else you can think of!  It was great for us to get everything out there and also for the doctor to read into anything we said and ask us questions about that circumstance.

She also went into great detail about all of the emotions that will come with surrogacy.  It was good to hear it from a doctor that ALL emotions will be normal.  I know this baby will not be mine in ANY way, shape or form, but she reminded me that we are all human.  So, after the baby is born, REAL emotions will happen.  So, she reminded Steven that he needs to be there for me, 100%.  Which, I have no reservations about.  We talked about all the 'what ifs' and 'could yous' with the doctor too.  And, she was very candid in explaining the situations that could arise.  It was great to be reminded that this might not be an easy process... but it was also helpful since Steven and I have already had all these converstation & we were on the exact same page.
We finished our personality assesments (350 question fill-in-the-bubble test), our individual interview & interview together... we were anxious to hear what the doctor had decided about us.
She said "well, you guys are ideal candidates.  I would be thrilled for you to be a carrier"
We heard later that she actually told the director of the agency "Man, I wish I could clone this couple!  I wish all couples were like this!"
That warmed my heart.  I knew that Steven & I are emotionally strong enough to do this, but it is great to hear it from a professional that just listened to us babble on and on for 4 hours about ourselves  :)

The agency & doctor both told Steven and I that we have an advantage over other surrogates because of our past pregnancy with the twins.  Surprised by that?  Yeah, me too.  But, I guess we are pretty well rounded & have dealt with many decisions that most people hope to never have to make.  We were approached with selective reduction, laser ablation surgery, preterm delivery, and NICU time... lots and lots of NICU time.  So, I guess this really proves that we can deal with stress & not turn into wackos  :)

So, what next?  Well, we wait.  They said that we probably won't be waiting very long because a match will be VERY easy to do for us.  Some surrogates have very strict 'rules' and 'guidelines' about what they will carry, who they will carry for, etc, etc and we are pretty open to any loving parent who comes our way.  We want the parent(s) to know that this is their child.  They get to make the major decisions about life long choices.

So, we are excited to hear back about a potential match!  Could be a week... could be 10 weeks.  Who knows.  But, as soon as we hear anything, we will let you know!  Oh, and BTW... they have a lot of out of the country parents.  How cool would that be?!
Ok, I have officially rambled on for way too long!  This was a hodge podge entry... sorry!  I am just too excited to make sense of all this!!

Thank you for your support!  The news is officially OUT!  (haha.. which in todays world means its been posted on Facebook :)