Things are looking... UP!

I would start this off by saying I don't have too much to say today, but we all know that I always write much more than I intend to.  So, I'll go ahead and leave that out :)

My injections have been going well!  On Saturday night, my mom was busy with some plans and so the time approached for me to do my injection.  I looked at Steven and said "Think you can give me my shot tonight?"  And he said "Yah, I can."  I was pretty surprised by that answer because he is petrified of needles and I cannot imagine him doing something to me that he knows will hurt.  He just doesn't have it in him!  Which honestly just makes me more nervous thinking about him trying! haha. 
I got out all of the meds and laid them on the counter and drew up my injection (this time it was double the dose, so it was .2ml) into the syringe.  I changed out the needle and I thought to myself... "I can do this".  So, I quickly pulled up the YouTube video of how to inject the meds and I watched it like 3xs over.  Then, I said to Steven, "I can do this!  I am going to give it to myself."  Then, I freaked myself out trying to do it... I gave myself the small Lupron injections last time in my thigh and they were SO easy but I think that these being in your butt/hip area is a harder area to reach so I was panicking that I might do the wrong spot and mess something up.  So.... I finally just went for it!  In went the needle into my butt!  And, I got done and said "Oh.  Well, that was easy!" No pain at all and I just plan to do them all myself! Here I am after the big moment :)

Yesterday I went into the lab and I had my blood drawn to check my levels of Estradiol in my body.  I had to do the test first thing in the morning and then the levels were run stat and sent to the clinic in Oregon for them to advise me of what my next injection dose would be. 
So, I got a message from the clinic to do .25ml that night and then on Saturday I am to do .3ml.  I was just dying to know what that meant!  Of course I emailed our coordinator and said "Soooo... were my levels good?  Or is that something you can't really answer one way or the other?"  And her response was that it is hard to say but that the level was a 'good' level and so its a great start, but of course the real determining factor is my lining check on Tuesday.  But, IM and I were still pretty stoked with a 'good' level!  :)  We will take all the positive news we can get right now! 
Monday night I will fly to Oregon and I have my lining check ultrasound on Tuesday.  We can use all the positive thoughts, energy, and prayers you can send our way!  This is a pretty big day for us and we both KNOW it's going to give us good news :) 

Day 1, Done!

 First injection was pretty easy!  I had my Mom, L.P.N. come over and administer my first one just so I could see how it was done and the dose was such a small amount, I barely felt anything!  A small pinch and no burning sensation or anything.  The next dose isn't until Saturday but it is double the amount.  So, we'll see how that goes!  Then, I have my bloodwork on Wednesday and the next 2 doses will be determined after my hormone levels are sent to the clinic. 

Here are a few fun photos of us that we had to send over to the IPs!  It's exciting starting the process!















Also, over the past few weeks I've gotten countless Facebook messages from ladies who are interested in the process.  Most of them have been women who are thinking of being a surrogate and after reading this blog, it has inspired them to start reading & considering if this is where they are led to go.  I've also gotten a handful of intended parents who are looking into the surrogate process to hopefully help them complete their family.  I've really enjoyed talking to all of these people about their unique journeys and helping them get a grasp on where to begin.  Last night I spoke on the phone for about an hour with a local gal who is turning to surrogacy to one day make her and her husband, parents.  We had such a great conversation and I just loved talking to her.  So much so, it made me want to run out and start hand choosing some potential surrogates for her! haha.  She has just an incredible story and I know that someone is going to love her and her husband as intended parents.  But, after I got off the phone with her I actually got really emotional.  I just sat on the bed for a bit and thought about how powerful this whole thing has become.  The many women I've talked to who are now thinking of pursuing this path is so overwhelming to me, in a good way.  Those of you who know me, you know that I love to share my life.  I love to love out loud and I believe that it's a powerful thing if we can inspire others while we go along our own path.  Last night after speaking with this woman it really hit me how special this journey is and will be.  Because, I know there are so many amazing people out there that are aching to become mommies and daddies and maybe adoption isn't in their cards for whatever reason that may be ... and so if me sharing my thoughts, photos, & overall story will help others get started than this has been so very well worth the ride. 
When I was matched with an intended father over 2.5 years ago, we actually denied the match (you can read back thru this blog to find out more) but the reason was because he didn't agree with this blog and quote on quote said "She shares way too much of her life."  Those words are exactly what made me feel uneasy because when I started having feelings of wanting to be a surrogate about 4 years ago, I was petrified to think of how to start.  No one I knew had been a surrogate, there were few blogs to read about, & I was scared to tell my family/friends for fear of what reaction I would get.  So, I turned to google searches and just read as much as I possibly could.  But, it was from that point on that I decided if I ever did go thru with my thoughts and become a surrogate, I would want to document my entire journey so that someone else who comes along and is in the same place I was, would have somewhere to turn to and learn about where to start.  So, THAT is why this blog was born.  And last night it really came to fruition.  I realized that this blog is doing exactly what my hope was.  It is sharing my story all the while, it is helping others write their own story.  So, I just have to say, thank you for reading, thank you to those of you who have reached out to me, and thank you for everyone's kind thoughts, prayers and comments.  You all rock my world :) 

Let the meds begin!

So, the time has come!  Tomorrow is when I will start my Estradiol injections for my mock cycle!  My first injection is tomorrow night, so stay tuned for how that goes.  Luckily my mom is a nurse and so she is going to come over and give me the first one & I will decide from there if I will have her continue to administer them or if I can do them myself.

Also, since this is a mock cycle and the results are VERY crucial to the entire surrogacy, the clinic has decided it is best if I fly to them for them to perform the ultrasound versus seeing a clinic here in Iowa and having them send the report.  So, on Monday, November 24 I will be headed to Oregon!  This is my first time there so I am very excited!  It will be a very short trip, just there and back for the big ultrasound and I am praying I come back to Iowa with wonderful news about a 'fluffy uterus'.  Haha.  Some of you might be laughing but I am SO serious!  That is all we can hope for... a fluffy uterus!

The meds I start tomorrow are estrogen that will help my uterine lining grow.  This is what I had issues with the last go-round two years ago when I was set to be a gestational carrier.  So, we can just hope, pray, and say all the positive thoughts in the world that the protocol this doctor uses will work better on my body then the last time!  So.. grow uterine lining...grow!

So far this clinic and doctor have been amazing to work with!  I cannot say one bad thing about them.  The clinic is called Oregon Reproductive Medicine & they are just outstanding!  You can tell they work with a lot of gestational carriers because everything has been completely smooth.  Our coordinator is so quick to respond and always on top of everything we have to complete on our 'to-do lists'.  They are even who recommended our attorney to write up the parentage agreements (contracts).  Which reminds me... we signed those last week!  So, thats another step that is completed!  Feels good to have that part done and I just adore my attorney!!  She has been doing traditional & gestational carrier agreements for 15 years so she really knew her stuff and she was just thrilled about the whole process & so excited to follow along.  She gave us some of the information about how the 'adoption' process will work when the babe is actually born.  Adoption?  I know.  It's a crazy word to use but it's technically what it is.  This baby will NOT be related to me at all.  But, in the state of Iowa, the intended parents & us will technically have to go thru an adoption hearing just for formality and legality.  The nice part is, the attorney knows how to stay ahead of the game & will be sure to get everything squared away during the later part of the pregnancy so that as soon as the baby is born, everything will be very smooth and easy for all involved.  It should just be a brief hearing and since the IP's live in another state, she said it might even be possible for them to be telephoned into the hearing so they don't have to be present.  The baby will not need to stay in the state of Iowa, so the IPs can leave Iowa after the birth, whenever they are ready!  That's a relief because I wasn't sure if they were going to need to stay in Iowa until the hearing happened.  The attorney assured me that this whole process is very simple, especially if we get ahead of it when I am still pregnant.  So, that was really helpful and eased my mind.  And again, this is just formality.  It's not like the IPs would be denied ...it's just so that the IM can be on the birth certificate and my name will be removed.  Our hope is to get the IF's name immediately on the birth certificate and never have my husbands name on it.

Next week I will go to a local lab for some initial blood draws that will show how much estradiol (hormone) is in my bloodstream.  It's my understanding this tells the doctor if I am getting the correct dose of estradiol for my body or if they need to adjust.


Well, that's about all for right now!  I will update once I start the meds tomorrow and let you know how thats going. Thanks again for all the support.  Now... send myself and the IPs LOTS of positive thoughts and prayers over the next 2 weeks.  We are praying for good news at this ultrasound.  

Finding myself in a different place...

First off, my meds are here!  I think this makes everything a little bit more real!  Shouldn't be too long and I will be starting on these for my mock cycle!  The size of the needle doesn't scare me either.  I thought maybe they would be really large but they seem like a pretty average needle similar to one that is used for any vaccine.  

Also, I wanted to share a little bit about a part of this journey that is different from my precious one.  Last time I had gone thru the process, surrogacy had been on my mind for several years.  It always interested me and I researched a lot to learn all about what it entails and how it works.  A few years ago when I was matched with a stranger thru an agency, it's pretty standard to include in the contract, that you will be paid a base compensation plus a pre-determined fee for any additional pain or distress your body goes thru (such as injections, miscarriage, multiple birth, c-section, etc).  At first this was hard for me to wrap my mind around because I had no idea this was part of being a surrogate.  Being compensated was never the reason for wanting to carry a child for another family.  I simply wanted to do it because I couldn't imagine what it feels like not to be able to have your own child naturally.  That would have to be devastating to anyone.  And, I felt I could give that gift to someone else.  But, the reality was, that compensation would have really helped us during that time.  We knew it was going to be more than a year out of my life & so it made sense to go forward with the standard compensation & fees, as suggested by the agency.  We would be able to save some of this money and pay off some debt.  

Well, as I've mentioned before, that journey fell thru and this time around is much different.  The IPs and I have been matched on our own.  We know each other personally & so we are doing this "independently".  Meaning, we have no agency involved this time around.  Regardless if your doing an independent surrogacy or one thru an agency, many still follow the compensation & fee schedule.  

But, my family and I are in a completely different spot than we were 2 years ago.  It doesn't make sense for us to have any compensation or fees this time around.   The couple we have decided to do this for is such an amazing couple and we adore them.  I feel like the timing of all of this was meant to work out like this.  And I feel in my heart, I have no reason for any compensation.  The IPs will cover any expenses related to the surrogacy but outside of that, no money will be exchanged.  Yes, I realize that a pregnancy is tough on your body.  I realize that I will gain weight, be uncomfortable, lose sleep, not fit in my clothes, give myself injections, and put my mind & heart thru an emotional rollercoaster but I also know what the end result will be.  Two parents who have longed for this child and who are out of options.  Who dream of what he or she will look like, what they will name the baby, introducing this baby to their family, & watching this baby grow up for many years to come.  That, to me, is why I'm doing this.  I have the ability to give back in a huge huge way and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Being a surrogate is an amazing gift, regardless if you get the compensation, because I can promise that those women end up earning every dime.  And you must have an extremely giving heart to begin with.   But, for me, it goes much deeper than that.  This process is expensive enough for the intended parents and I feel this is what I'm meant to do.  Two years ago, this wouldn't have been an option for us, and because we are in such a different place financially, I feel it's only my gift to be able to pay it forward.  To give this priceless gift of life to another family in need.  My form of payment will be seeing the faces of the intended parents in the delivery room when they meet their baby for the first time.  There is no dollar amount on a check that could pay me that.  

<3. 

Leaving you with a photo from our weekend :) 

Salty news, turns sweet!

The last week has been full of preparation for the next few months.  Lots of paperwork to fill out for the clinic & lawyers.  Last week I had my IUD removed at my local OB office and so far things have been great with that.

I just got back from Florida yesterday and was there for a life changing event for It Works called the Green Carpet Experience.  It was so much fun to see all my friends from all over the country & be re-inspired for what this amazing company offers us!  My husband and I were honored to be featured in the first ever magazine called "The Wrap" from the publishers of SUCCESS magazine!  Here is a photo of the full page of our story!  I still feel in my heart that my last surrogacy wasn't meant to work out because it would have never led me to find this opportunity that has changed our life.

While I was in Florida, I heard from the IM that she had gotten a call from the reproductive clinic about my records.  Up to this point the doctor hadn't fully reviewed them in their entirety.  He let the IP's know that due to my previous surrogacy experience, he feels it would be best for me to do a 'mock cycle' prior to the IM doing her egg retrieval.  I know IM was really upset by this news at first and when she initially contacted me, I kind of felt punched in the gut, like last time.  But after a few hours went by and I could really process the information, I decided this was actually really good news.

Last time around, my uterine lining didn't grow like the doctor would want.   And after 2 failed attempts, my IF decided to move on and find a new surrogate.   So, with this current doctor reading all of the documentation, he thinks it would be best to be sure my lining responds to the treatment before the IP's have embryos frozen.  I think this is great!!  Then, myself and the IP's know going in, what to expect.  I know the IP's were surprised to hear this at first but if all goes as planned, this just pushes the egg retrieval back by 2 weeks.  So, it's not like this would delay everything a ton.  What a mock cycle means is that I will start on Estrogen & prepare my body for a transfer (without actually planning to do the transfer).  They will monitor me with ultrasounds to see how my lining grows with the estrogen.  This will give them a great guideline of what my body responds to and what it doesn't so adjustments can be made, if needed.

I received info from the clinic today that allowed me to get a glimpse into the schedule I will have during the mock cycle.  It will start in about 3 weeks and I will give myself intramuscular injections (into the upper hip) of estrogen.  I haven't done this kind of estrogen before so I am anxious to see if this is what will do the job!  Maybe the estrogen patches & suppositories I was on last time just didn't blend well with my body!  I haven't ever minded injections too much.  I mean, no one loves a shot, but I don't dread them either!

The IP's let me know that they have been telling family over the last few weeks and so far everyone has been really supportive.  I know how important that is!  I remember the first time I started telling the world about wanting to be a surrogate and I was petrified for what response we would get!  But, to my surprise, everyone has been amazing... especially this go-round.

I still feel in my gut that this is all going to work out and be a smooth process!  There is just something inside me telling me not to worry and just roll with the punches.  No matter what, this will be an emotional journey, even if it goes as smoothly as possible... so we have to be able to take these bumps with a grain of salt and know it's just part of the journey!

I am so excited for the coming months and, as always, want to thank you for the continued support!

We are really doing this!

Just a short update to let you know that things are really moving along!  Here's what's happening so far. 

• I am getting my IUD removed next week so I can start timing my cycles to begin meds 
• the IM (intended mom) has started birth control pills and has a tentative egg retrieval date of the first week in December 
• the IPs (intended parents) have been cleared to go forward after medical and psychological testing.  My favorite part is the psychologist told them that she felt like this was going to be a really smooth sailing compared to most  :)
• We should be drafting a contract over the next few weeks with our lawyers 
• We are discussing when is the best time to start announcing who the IPs are and they are deciding when to tell their friends/family.  The psychologist said today she thinks its okay to do that now.  
• For those of you wondering; we will be doing a frozen embryo transfer, so that will make it a little easier with timing because I won't have to synchronize cycles with the IM, which can get complicated & take months.  I've heard lately that frozen transfers seem to have a little bit better of a success rate than fresh.  So, fingers crossed!  

The clinic we are using seems to really be on top of everything and doesn't waste any time so that's been great!  I know the IP's are anxious to get started and so am I.  Right now it sounds like the transfer should be within 3-6 months or so.  Crazy!  

Over the last week I've gotten really excited.  20 months ago when everything fell thru, my heart was literally crushed.  And, for the past year I felt like I had closed that chapter of my life.  But, I believe this came into my path for a major reason.  I know this was exactly as it was supposed work out.  And now all those feelings of excitement are back.  I know I learned a lot from my previous experience and that's really going to help me along on this journey.  I got an email with some updates from the IM this week and at the very end of it she wrote "So are you SURE you want to do this?  You know it's okay to tell me if you changed your mind..."  It made me smile.  Because in that moment, I was SO sure.  Surer than I've ever been before I think.  I know this time is it.  Everything is falling into place without much effort at all.  I know in my heart that its going to be smooth sailing, just like the psychologist predicts.  And I cannot WAIT to announce who the IPs are.  You are going to fall in love with them, just as I have.  They have hearts of gold and deserve this gift of life. 

I LOVE that this journey doesn't have to be a secret this time... so, with that, I am going to be sharing much more.  My husband and I shared our 6 year wedding anniversary on Saturday and here is a photo from the day :)

Fall has officially arrived!  We took our kids to the pumpkin patch this weekend and to the zoo.   Lots of fun.  Hard to believe these buddies are going to be 5 years old next month. 

 Well, that's all for now!  I will update once anything more happens in the process!  Thanks for all the well wishes :)

Maybe it's meant to be...

Well, Hello!  Can't believe it's been close to 2 years since I've written on this blog.  SO much has happened in that time.   I'm not even sure where to start with this entry!

For any of you who know me, know that in April of 2013 I started a new journey with a company called ItWorks Global.  Maybe you've heard of their body wraps that will help tighten, tone, and firm any desired area in just 45 minutes (if not, check them out here) .   Well, I joined this company on a total whim and didn't expect much to come out of it.  BOY, was I wrong!  In just a few short weeks my life had changed drastically.  I couldn't believe how in love I was with the products & how financially our life had done a 180 from just a few short months before that.
It didn't take me long to realize that the surrogacy was meant to fall thru.  Had everything gone thru with the surrogacy, as planned, then I wouldn't have taken this opportunity and ran with it, like I did.  I would have never looked for anything more because I would have been plenty busy carrying someone elses baby!
So, fast forward to spring of this year.  My mind started wandering all over the place and lots of questions arose.  Should we have another baby?  We have the time and we can support a 3rd baby, should we start trying?  What about adoption?  Steven was adopted and being able to pay it forward to another person, would be amazing.  It was something we had/have talked about but never really put any effort into a decision.  I felt like my thoughts were all over the place and I was having a difficult time making sense of everything.  We've always said we were done with just 2 kids.  The twins keep us very busy and so we didn't know if having another child was in the cards for us.  I really think 4 is a perfect number in a family too.  I had a friend once say "The world is totally made for 4!  4 people fit at a booth in a restaurant, 4 people fit in a car, 4 people everywhere!"  And I feel like she had a really good point.  Our family really works well with 4 of us.  Steven and I can each focus on one boy at a time and not feel like our time is divided.  And this says nothing badly to those of you who are blessed with more children!!  There is another part of me that thinks it would be really fun to have a large family with lots of kiddos.  But, my patience level, I am not sure would agree with that :)  So, maybe 4 is the perfect number for us, as a family.  So where are all my thoughts coming from?
Anyways, thru all of these months I've tried to reflect on a lot of things and try to make sense of where my heart is to be led.  I kept praying about it knowing that eventually there would be a sign on what road I am supposed to head down.  And, in the middle of September of this year... a big neon sign is exactly what I received.  :)

When the last surrogacy fell thru I was so heartbroken and I knew that if I were to ever consider going thru the process again, the only way I would, is if it fell into my lap.  If it didn't involve being matched with a stranger again because all of that was just so hard on me emotionally.  And, I truly believe if surrogacy is meant to be part of my journey.... it will be. 
Someone who I know and who is dear to my heart, called me on September 11 and thru a shaky voice asked me if I had any interest or desire to do a surrogacy for her and her husband.  Immediately my heart swelled up with so much joy!  And I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I first applied for surrogacy in October of 2011 after a year of consideration.  So, all this time later and my heart is still feeling led to do this.  Of course I told her "yes!" and it didn't take long for us to start making some plans and arrangements.
This is all very early on in the process but so far it's super exciting and its moving forward.  My favorite part about this particular situation is that this is a couple in the US, so there is no need for secrecy!!  I get to be as open as I want on this blog and prepare for LOTS of photos if this journey leads us into a pregnancy.  I have no reason to hide anything and thats what my wish has been all along.  I can't wait to share all of the process!!
 Just since we haven't gotten the go ahead from doctors or lawyers, I will wait to announce this couples name, until she has made the announcements on her end.  (my lips are sealed so don't try to get it out of me; haha)
SO excited!!!
From the sounds of it, things might be moving along pretty quickly, so I am sure this blog will be updated more regularly!  Stay tuned!  Thanks for sticking with me throughout all of this.  I'm thinking this might be exactly as it was meant to be...