Hi everyone!
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Hard to believe it's all over. I absolutely love everything to do with Christmas and it makes me so sad when it's over for another year! Time to take down all the decorations and clean up the new toys around the house, I guess.
I just wanted to update everyone on the surrogacy front. So far so good! I've been on Lupron for a few weeks now and I started the estrogen last week. This cycle they didn't ease me into the estrogen at all.. I went straight to 4 Vivelle Patches and 8mg of the Estrace via suppository right away. We are hoping this thickens the lining quicker than last time.
I've also been reading how Red Raspberry Leaf tea is good for uterine health (lining, thickness, overall health), so I have been drinking a cup or two a day the past few days! Maybe that will give me a boost, too! :)
I had my baseline ultrasound on the 19th and everything looked fine. Then, I will go back on the 7th for THE ultrasound to see how thick the lining is. If we are over 7mm, then we should be good for the frozen embryo transfer on the 14th! It is possible to push it back a week, if the lining needs more time. We will see!
Everyone needs to think positive thoughts! I know that I am ready to get started on this journey and I KNOW the intended dad is ready too! He has waited far too long for this dream to become a reality! .... I should mention him a bit too. We met for the first time in late August; so over the past few months we have had a great time chatting via email (and on the phone) and really getting to know each other. Although it has been a bummer to have the transfer pushed back a few months- it's been good for our relationship and just more time to bond before this big, crazy journey begins! My husband and I still agree that we couldn't imagine a better match for us.
I think that's all for now! New Years Eve is tomorrow! No big plans for us... we are staying in with the kids. After they go to bed we have another couple coming over for a game night! (I LOVE all games :)
Happy New Years!! I will update on January 7th with hopefully VERY good news (after my ultrasound)! Send me some positive thoughts or a prayer, please! :)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
New dates!
I am starting all the meds on Monday again! We have our tentative transfer date scheduled for January 14! Fingers crossed that everything falls into place this time so we can start 2013 off on the right foot! :)
Short and sweet post! Have a great week!
Short and sweet post! Have a great week!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Delay, is becoming the name of the game...
First off, SO sorry for the super long wait in posts! Needless to say, this time of year is a bit busy for my career and with the holidays approaching!
I went back {to the clinic} on Nov 12th for another uterine lining check and unfortunately, it was just shy of 7mm. It had grown.. but not quite where they wanted to see it. I was pretty bummed about it. I SO wanted it to be all thick and fluffy and ready for the transfer! But, I knew it was out of my control. The Dr at the clinic said it was a fine line on whether or not we should continue with the transfer on the 19th or wait until the next cycle. He said that my lining will still continue to grow in the next week; but as to how much it will grow is unknown. He mentioned that if my husband and I were an infertile couple, he would tell us to go for it. He has seen many positive outcomes with a lining just shy of 7mm. However, we had to think of Frank and his previous outcomes. He has already had a long journey & so he needs to best possible odds and the risk needs to be 0%. The doctor said he would leave this up to Frank and what he felt was the right thing to do for himself. Immediately Frank decided to cancel this cycle and wait. He only has 4 embryos remaining and plans to 'thaw' them all out for this next cycle. IF we were to have thawed them and then something didn't look right (in my body) on the day of the transfer, then we would lose those embryos. And that would force Frank to start back at the beginning with the egg donor, etc etc etc. It is a bridge he (or I) didn't want to have to cross.
So, what does that mean (cancel & wait)?? Well, it means that I stopped my meds & we will start on them again in a few weeks, once my body is ready again. The difference this time is that I won't use the estrogen patch, since my body didn't absorb it & I will just do the suppositories since my body responded well to those. This puts the embryo transfer at approximately the middle of January.
I was pretty bummed about it at first. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. I was so excited for Frank and I just wanted the transfer to be perfect! Then, to have it delayed by two months because of MY body... It bummed me out. I *know* I have done everything right and I haven't missed a step... so really, it was silly to feel guilty. However, let's be honest... I am NOT the most patient person you will meet. I think this is a good life lesson for me... this whole journey that is. These past 11 months have been such a waiting game & it's teaching me a lot about patience. I know I know, "patience is a virtue" and I honestly do believe that. I know that Frank doesn't blame me or feel like its my fault. He is just the opposite, really. He is so supportive and never seems to show his frustration or disappointment to me. I am confident that this next cycle will go smoothly and we will be so thankful that we decided to wait the short 2 months for better odds :)
Also, I DID end up going back to the clinic on the 19th just to check my lining once more to see what it was doing with the new meds. And, good news! It was over 7mm!! Woohoo! So, we are sitting good for the next cycle.
I am always so thankful for the prayers, support and positive thoughts that I continue to get on this journey. It means more than I could ever say.
Thanks again
-K
PS- I love reading the comment section on here and I am ALWAYS willing to share more or to answer ANY questions that you have. Please don't hesitate to comment & I will reply back to you! :)
I went back {to the clinic} on Nov 12th for another uterine lining check and unfortunately, it was just shy of 7mm. It had grown.. but not quite where they wanted to see it. I was pretty bummed about it. I SO wanted it to be all thick and fluffy and ready for the transfer! But, I knew it was out of my control. The Dr at the clinic said it was a fine line on whether or not we should continue with the transfer on the 19th or wait until the next cycle. He said that my lining will still continue to grow in the next week; but as to how much it will grow is unknown. He mentioned that if my husband and I were an infertile couple, he would tell us to go for it. He has seen many positive outcomes with a lining just shy of 7mm. However, we had to think of Frank and his previous outcomes. He has already had a long journey & so he needs to best possible odds and the risk needs to be 0%. The doctor said he would leave this up to Frank and what he felt was the right thing to do for himself. Immediately Frank decided to cancel this cycle and wait. He only has 4 embryos remaining and plans to 'thaw' them all out for this next cycle. IF we were to have thawed them and then something didn't look right (in my body) on the day of the transfer, then we would lose those embryos. And that would force Frank to start back at the beginning with the egg donor, etc etc etc. It is a bridge he (or I) didn't want to have to cross.
So, what does that mean (cancel & wait)?? Well, it means that I stopped my meds & we will start on them again in a few weeks, once my body is ready again. The difference this time is that I won't use the estrogen patch, since my body didn't absorb it & I will just do the suppositories since my body responded well to those. This puts the embryo transfer at approximately the middle of January.
I was pretty bummed about it at first. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. I was so excited for Frank and I just wanted the transfer to be perfect! Then, to have it delayed by two months because of MY body... It bummed me out. I *know* I have done everything right and I haven't missed a step... so really, it was silly to feel guilty. However, let's be honest... I am NOT the most patient person you will meet. I think this is a good life lesson for me... this whole journey that is. These past 11 months have been such a waiting game & it's teaching me a lot about patience. I know I know, "patience is a virtue" and I honestly do believe that. I know that Frank doesn't blame me or feel like its my fault. He is just the opposite, really. He is so supportive and never seems to show his frustration or disappointment to me. I am confident that this next cycle will go smoothly and we will be so thankful that we decided to wait the short 2 months for better odds :)
Also, I DID end up going back to the clinic on the 19th just to check my lining once more to see what it was doing with the new meds. And, good news! It was over 7mm!! Woohoo! So, we are sitting good for the next cycle.
I am always so thankful for the prayers, support and positive thoughts that I continue to get on this journey. It means more than I could ever say.
Thanks again
-K
PS- I love reading the comment section on here and I am ALWAYS willing to share more or to answer ANY questions that you have. Please don't hesitate to comment & I will reply back to you! :)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
A small delay...
Hello everyone!
I am a few days late with this update but I wanted to be sure to inform you of a small delay we have with the transfer.
I went to the fertility clinic on Monday for my uterine lining check via ultrasound. Unfortunately, my lining was only 5.5mm. At a minimum, they like to see 7mm.
I was pretty disappointed to hear that news but the doctor was very clear in explaining how the next week would go. Currently, I was using Vivelle estrogen patches & the doctor explained that sometimes the estrogen doesn't absorb into the body like it should. So, he explained I would start on 8mg of Estrace (as a suppository) immediately. This will be the quickest way for the estrogen to get directly to my uterus to help the lining grow. The transfer wouldn't be able to happen with my lining being so thin.
I started on the Estrace right away and I am praying, hoping, and wishing that this will do the trick! I have another ultrasound at the clinic on Monday and they will recheck my lining. If it is thicker than 7mm than the transfer will be the following Monday, November 19th!
A lot of my friends, have asked "How is the intended father taking the news of the delay?" Well, good question. He is amazing and so understanding.
Immediately after the appointment, I told my husband that I was scared to call Frank to tell him there was a delay with the transfer. I was nervous he would be disappointed. He quickly reminded me, "He wants you to be honest with him, you need to let him know right away." Of course I knew that, but he was right, I needed to tell him.
SO, I sat down and quickly emailed him. I was so anxious for a reply. The reply came in and it immediately wiped away ALL my worries and anxiety. He said he knew that this wasn't my fault and its just a small delay. He told me he was proud of me and that I shouldn't worry at all. He ended the email with "I've waited my whole life for this. I can wait one more week." :)
Needless to say, the email from him totally made my day and I felt MUCH better. It reiterated how open and honest this has to be. It's so important.
I'm feeling good, as far as meds go! I still don't really see any side effects. :) I'm also feeling good emotionally.
Thanks for reading and if you can spare a minute out of your day... PLEASE send us some positive thoughts and prayers! I don't want this 1 week delay to turn into anything longer than that! xoxo
I am a few days late with this update but I wanted to be sure to inform you of a small delay we have with the transfer.
I went to the fertility clinic on Monday for my uterine lining check via ultrasound. Unfortunately, my lining was only 5.5mm. At a minimum, they like to see 7mm.
I was pretty disappointed to hear that news but the doctor was very clear in explaining how the next week would go. Currently, I was using Vivelle estrogen patches & the doctor explained that sometimes the estrogen doesn't absorb into the body like it should. So, he explained I would start on 8mg of Estrace (as a suppository) immediately. This will be the quickest way for the estrogen to get directly to my uterus to help the lining grow. The transfer wouldn't be able to happen with my lining being so thin.
I started on the Estrace right away and I am praying, hoping, and wishing that this will do the trick! I have another ultrasound at the clinic on Monday and they will recheck my lining. If it is thicker than 7mm than the transfer will be the following Monday, November 19th!
A lot of my friends, have asked "How is the intended father taking the news of the delay?" Well, good question. He is amazing and so understanding.
Immediately after the appointment, I told my husband that I was scared to call Frank to tell him there was a delay with the transfer. I was nervous he would be disappointed. He quickly reminded me, "He wants you to be honest with him, you need to let him know right away." Of course I knew that, but he was right, I needed to tell him.
SO, I sat down and quickly emailed him. I was so anxious for a reply. The reply came in and it immediately wiped away ALL my worries and anxiety. He said he knew that this wasn't my fault and its just a small delay. He told me he was proud of me and that I shouldn't worry at all. He ended the email with "I've waited my whole life for this. I can wait one more week." :)
Needless to say, the email from him totally made my day and I felt MUCH better. It reiterated how open and honest this has to be. It's so important.
I'm feeling good, as far as meds go! I still don't really see any side effects. :) I'm also feeling good emotionally.
Thanks for reading and if you can spare a minute out of your day... PLEASE send us some positive thoughts and prayers! I don't want this 1 week delay to turn into anything longer than that! xoxo
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Feeling awesome!
I still feel amazing! Absolutely NO side effects from the lupron injections. I honestly still have been in fabulous moods and I kept help but wonder if this is from the lupron! Not that being happy is unusual for me.. but I just feel extra happy!
I started the estrogen patches on Thursday. I haven't noticed anything odd with those either! They are just small patches that I wear on my abdomen and change every other day. The worst part of these is taking them off! OUCH! It's like an extra sicky bandaid. But, so far, if that's the only pain I've had.. I will take it!
The transfer is just over 2 weeks away! It's gonna be here before we know it! I have another ultrasound on the 5th & at that point they will check my uterus lining again. Hopefully it will have thickened up and we will be on target for the transfer! Fingers crossed!
Thanks for reading.
I started the estrogen patches on Thursday. I haven't noticed anything odd with those either! They are just small patches that I wear on my abdomen and change every other day. The worst part of these is taking them off! OUCH! It's like an extra sicky bandaid. But, so far, if that's the only pain I've had.. I will take it!
The transfer is just over 2 weeks away! It's gonna be here before we know it! I have another ultrasound on the 5th & at that point they will check my uterus lining again. Hopefully it will have thickened up and we will be on target for the transfer! Fingers crossed!
Thanks for reading.
Monday, October 22, 2012
3 short weeks away!
Quick post:
I went to the fertility clinic today and had a quick ultrasound to check my lining. Everything looked good... I think my lining was about 6mm. From what I have read online about embryo transfers.. the higher the #, the better chance of a successful transfer. I asked the nurse today what # they like to see and she said anything over 7 is good. So, let's hope my lining gets a little squishier in the next 3 weeks! :)
They will do a follow-up ultrasound on the 5th to see if it thickened. I start my estrogen patches on Thursday. They are 2 dots that I will wear on my abdomen and change every 2 days. After a week of wearing them, I will start wearing 4, to double the dose as we get closer to the transfer.
The lupron injections have seriously been CAKE! I have been giving them to myself in the evenings and I don't even feel the injection in my thigh; not painful at all. So far the only 'side effect' I have noticed is just being in extra good moods! I would love if that kept up.. I am not complaining! :)
That's all for now! Hard to believe we are less than 21 days away from the transfer!!!
Have a good week!
I went to the fertility clinic today and had a quick ultrasound to check my lining. Everything looked good... I think my lining was about 6mm. From what I have read online about embryo transfers.. the higher the #, the better chance of a successful transfer. I asked the nurse today what # they like to see and she said anything over 7 is good. So, let's hope my lining gets a little squishier in the next 3 weeks! :)
They will do a follow-up ultrasound on the 5th to see if it thickened. I start my estrogen patches on Thursday. They are 2 dots that I will wear on my abdomen and change every 2 days. After a week of wearing them, I will start wearing 4, to double the dose as we get closer to the transfer.
The lupron injections have seriously been CAKE! I have been giving them to myself in the evenings and I don't even feel the injection in my thigh; not painful at all. So far the only 'side effect' I have noticed is just being in extra good moods! I would love if that kept up.. I am not complaining! :)
That's all for now! Hard to believe we are less than 21 days away from the transfer!!!
Have a good week!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Easy Peasy!
Day two of the injections and everything has gone smoothly! The Lupron injections have been very easy for me to do. I was concerned about if I could give myself a shot but it really isn't bad at all!
Lupron has quite a list of side effects... so I have prepared myself (& friends/family) that I might become a loony in the next few weeks! However, so far, I have felt great! I actually feel like the Lupron makes me feel happy! haha. A shot of happy? :) Is that possible? :) I doubt it. I am sure the crazy side effects will kick in soon, but we shall see.
I have been chatting with a gal who is in the same place in this process as me; she actually has her transfer just a day after mine. She has been on the Lupron a week longer than me and she said she hasn't noticed any side effects. I hope that continues for me too!
I got the progesterone stuff in my package of meds too... and yikes, those needles definitely look a bit scarier! We will see if I will be able to keep those up for 10 weeks. I might need to switch to the suppositories. I won't need to start the progesterone until a few days before the embryo transfer, so I have a few weeks left of just the easy Lupron! :)
Alright, that's all I have for tonight!
Lupron has quite a list of side effects... so I have prepared myself (& friends/family) that I might become a loony in the next few weeks! However, so far, I have felt great! I actually feel like the Lupron makes me feel happy! haha. A shot of happy? :) Is that possible? :) I doubt it. I am sure the crazy side effects will kick in soon, but we shall see.
I have been chatting with a gal who is in the same place in this process as me; she actually has her transfer just a day after mine. She has been on the Lupron a week longer than me and she said she hasn't noticed any side effects. I hope that continues for me too!
I got the progesterone stuff in my package of meds too... and yikes, those needles definitely look a bit scarier! We will see if I will be able to keep those up for 10 weeks. I might need to switch to the suppositories. I won't need to start the progesterone until a few days before the embryo transfer, so I have a few weeks left of just the easy Lupron! :)
Alright, that's all I have for tonight!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
And it all begins!
Last week we finalized the parentage agreement (contract) with our attorneys! We ended up signing on the dotted line on Thursday. It felt so good to have that part completed :)
I have been in contact with the fertility clinic and we are all set to start meds tomorrow! Then, the embryo transfer is scheduled for November 12!! EEK! I can't believe it's all.really.starting.
Tomorrow morning a mail order pharmacy will deliver ALL my meds for these next several weeks. I will be getting Lupron, Vivelle, and Progesterone. The viville will be a patch I will wear on my abdomen and the other two are injections. Tomorrow evening I will start with my first injection of Lupron. I will give myself one injection everyday for the next 3-4 weeks. I will stop my birth control pills on Saturday and then on Monday I have a followup ultrasound in Illinois.
I can't believe we finally have a date set! Just 26 days away!
I am planning to blog a lot more from this point forward. I will be blogging all the details of the surrogacy. I created this blog so my friends and family can follow along thru the journey, but also to keep this as a journal for any current or future surrogates out there. Surrogacy is a pretty complicated process. I found comfort being able to read about others experiences!
One thing to mention is, with an embryo transfer, there is no guarantees that I will become pregnant. So, I would love if you would take a minute to pray or send some positive thoughts about it. I know that both Frank and I would be devastated if this transfer failed... so please keep us in your thoughts this next month!
Thanks for reading!
I have been in contact with the fertility clinic and we are all set to start meds tomorrow! Then, the embryo transfer is scheduled for November 12!! EEK! I can't believe it's all.really.starting.
Tomorrow morning a mail order pharmacy will deliver ALL my meds for these next several weeks. I will be getting Lupron, Vivelle, and Progesterone. The viville will be a patch I will wear on my abdomen and the other two are injections. Tomorrow evening I will start with my first injection of Lupron. I will give myself one injection everyday for the next 3-4 weeks. I will stop my birth control pills on Saturday and then on Monday I have a followup ultrasound in Illinois.
I can't believe we finally have a date set! Just 26 days away!
I am planning to blog a lot more from this point forward. I will be blogging all the details of the surrogacy. I created this blog so my friends and family can follow along thru the journey, but also to keep this as a journal for any current or future surrogates out there. Surrogacy is a pretty complicated process. I found comfort being able to read about others experiences!
One thing to mention is, with an embryo transfer, there is no guarantees that I will become pregnant. So, I would love if you would take a minute to pray or send some positive thoughts about it. I know that both Frank and I would be devastated if this transfer failed... so please keep us in your thoughts this next month!
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
What about adoption?
First off- a quick update. Both Frank & Steven/I have been appointed attorneys to get started on the contracts. We are hoping to have the contracts signed by Oct 19 & that will put us on track for an early/mid November transfer.
Secondly, I wanted to blog about a topic that I feel like comes up in the back of peoples mind; and not everyone has the 'guts' to ask.
"Why not adoption? There are so many babies out there to be adopted. Why do you feel you have to turn to surrogacy instead of adopting a baby in need of a family?"
First off, my husband is adopted. Adoption is a wonderful thing. Steven and I talked about adoption before we had kids. We made an agreement that we would adopt if we couldn't have our own biological children. I really think adoption is beautiful & I LOVE hearing successful adoption stories. However, there is a very real reality to adoption. Adoptions fail. Not everyone can adopt. Adopting is a very tough process. Adoption is very expensive & not guaranteed. When adoptions go through, they are beautiful & so rewarding. But, adoption just doesn't feel right to everyone. For Frank, adoption would be extremely difficult since he is a single man; only 3 countries in the world even consider letting a single man adopt. And, not all families have come to terms with the fact they can't have their own biological children. So, I feel that I can help someone else have a biological child if thats what feels right to them. I got pregnant easily. I never had to really, honestly, sit & have that talk about "what do we do now?" We never had a doctor tell us there was a problem with our fertility issues. I don't know what we would do if we were put in that situation. But, if adoption wasn't the route we wanted to go, I sure as heck hope I would have somewhere else to turn. Surrogacy.
I've been following several surrogacy blogs lately & I recently found one that the blogger is a surrogate for her brother & sister-in-law because during the birth of their first child, the mother was very ill & had to have her uterus removed. She still has perfect eggs but no where to carry a child. So, for them, their journey to having their own biological children just wasn't complete yet. They are expecting twins around Christmas. If you are interested, you can view their blog, here.
I have had friends & clients who have adopted and I LOVE when everything falls into place & then suddenly, a new family member is welcomed into their loving family. But, I have also heard the sad stories of adoptions that fall thru. Surrogacy takes out a bit of that factor. Again, the egg is NOT mine in this surrogacy. I am strictly the carrier that will get this embryo to a full-term baby. I can't change my mind, because I simply can't. It's not my baby. Frank doesn't have to go to bed at night worrying about if I may decide to keep this baby. Yes, there are several other factors that probably will worry Frank crazy- but, me keeping his baby, isn't one of them. This baby is his, all his, and so once I am confirmed pregnant, he gets to begin planning his life with his baby. That is what surrogacy is about to me.
I really don't feel like it can be a conversation on adoption vs surrogacy because I think its comparing apples to oranges. I don't think they can be compared. They are so different and people choose what feels right to them. We are so lucky that this is OUR life and we get to choose what is right to US. If we were all the same, what a boring world we would live in. But, I really appreciate when people can open themselves up to new opinions. So, for those of you that are on the edge about surrogacy. Just think about if a doctor told you that you 'couldn't get pregnant', or if you woke up from a C-Section and your uterus was gone, or you were a 45 year old who couldn't adopt because of the age requirements, or a man who wants to be a dad but can't because he is single? Think of those factors and consider that not everyone has the easy, cut & dry story that we would like to think lead people to adopt. Adoption is beautiful and so is surrogacy. Neither is better than another.
Those are my words for the night. Thanks for reading ;)
Secondly, I wanted to blog about a topic that I feel like comes up in the back of peoples mind; and not everyone has the 'guts' to ask.
"Why not adoption? There are so many babies out there to be adopted. Why do you feel you have to turn to surrogacy instead of adopting a baby in need of a family?"
First off, my husband is adopted. Adoption is a wonderful thing. Steven and I talked about adoption before we had kids. We made an agreement that we would adopt if we couldn't have our own biological children. I really think adoption is beautiful & I LOVE hearing successful adoption stories. However, there is a very real reality to adoption. Adoptions fail. Not everyone can adopt. Adopting is a very tough process. Adoption is very expensive & not guaranteed. When adoptions go through, they are beautiful & so rewarding. But, adoption just doesn't feel right to everyone. For Frank, adoption would be extremely difficult since he is a single man; only 3 countries in the world even consider letting a single man adopt. And, not all families have come to terms with the fact they can't have their own biological children. So, I feel that I can help someone else have a biological child if thats what feels right to them. I got pregnant easily. I never had to really, honestly, sit & have that talk about "what do we do now?" We never had a doctor tell us there was a problem with our fertility issues. I don't know what we would do if we were put in that situation. But, if adoption wasn't the route we wanted to go, I sure as heck hope I would have somewhere else to turn. Surrogacy.
I've been following several surrogacy blogs lately & I recently found one that the blogger is a surrogate for her brother & sister-in-law because during the birth of their first child, the mother was very ill & had to have her uterus removed. She still has perfect eggs but no where to carry a child. So, for them, their journey to having their own biological children just wasn't complete yet. They are expecting twins around Christmas. If you are interested, you can view their blog, here.
I have had friends & clients who have adopted and I LOVE when everything falls into place & then suddenly, a new family member is welcomed into their loving family. But, I have also heard the sad stories of adoptions that fall thru. Surrogacy takes out a bit of that factor. Again, the egg is NOT mine in this surrogacy. I am strictly the carrier that will get this embryo to a full-term baby. I can't change my mind, because I simply can't. It's not my baby. Frank doesn't have to go to bed at night worrying about if I may decide to keep this baby. Yes, there are several other factors that probably will worry Frank crazy- but, me keeping his baby, isn't one of them. This baby is his, all his, and so once I am confirmed pregnant, he gets to begin planning his life with his baby. That is what surrogacy is about to me.
I really don't feel like it can be a conversation on adoption vs surrogacy because I think its comparing apples to oranges. I don't think they can be compared. They are so different and people choose what feels right to them. We are so lucky that this is OUR life and we get to choose what is right to US. If we were all the same, what a boring world we would live in. But, I really appreciate when people can open themselves up to new opinions. So, for those of you that are on the edge about surrogacy. Just think about if a doctor told you that you 'couldn't get pregnant', or if you woke up from a C-Section and your uterus was gone, or you were a 45 year old who couldn't adopt because of the age requirements, or a man who wants to be a dad but can't because he is single? Think of those factors and consider that not everyone has the easy, cut & dry story that we would like to think lead people to adopt. Adoption is beautiful and so is surrogacy. Neither is better than another.
Those are my words for the night. Thanks for reading ;)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Step 2=Complete
On Thursday morning I hopped into the car and drove 3 hours to IL to the Fertility Center. This is the chosen fertility clinic by Frank and where the embryo transfer will occur. Unfortunately, Steven couldn't come with me, due to a busy work schedule, so I had a long day of driving and tests alone.
Once I got to the center, I was able to sit down with the doctor and talk about what is to come. I was surprised to meet with him for close to an hour since it's unusual these days to get such one-on-one time with a doctor. But, it was great because he was so thorough in explaining the entire process and what I can expect in the coming months. He also explained that he had read my medical history and wanted to talk about my pregnancy with my twins. He had me explain, in my own words, how the pregnancy went and why I delivered when I did (very pre-term). He agreed with everything I said, and explained that the chance of the same thing happening again to me (TTTS), is no higher of a chance for me than anyone else. He also explained that I delivered two babies at almost 28 weeks. So, with their combined weight and size, my uterus grew to the size of what one fullterm baby would be. With that said, I should have no problems carrying a baby to fullterm. I never had issues with pre-term labor or anything like that. After that chat, I headed into the exam room for my tests. The tests consisted of bloodwork, routine physical exam & a few other not-so-fun tests.
One of the main procedures the doctor did was called a 'mock embryo transfer'. The doctor inserted a catheter into my uterus and first cleaned it with some saline and then proceeded to measure the length and depth. The reason they do this procedure is so on the transfer date, they know exact where to go with the embryo and where to place it.
The next procedure was the doctor injected dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes & inflated a balloon inside my uterus. They took lots of ultrasound images to get a clear photo of my uterus. This test is done to be sure the lining in my uterus looks good and basically to 'ok' me to become pregnant.
The tests took about 15 minutes total, although, it seemed a bit longer. It wasn't excruciating pain by any means, but it was definitely uncomfortable.
The doctor told me that everything looked great and he saw no reason for me to not be able to proceed with this surrogacy! I was very happy to hear that. :)
After the tests, I went back into the consultation room and met with the IVF nurse. She went over all the medications with me and how to administer them. It was definitely a lot of information!
THE MEDS:
-First things first- I started birth control pills. The reason I needed to start these is so that they know when the transfer could happen. The pill regulates the cycle & will make the 'guessing' less 'guessing' and more precise. So, I started those 2 weeks ago after I had my IUD removed.
-Next the nurse gave me some prenatal vitamins to start taking. The biggest concern is to take them the opposite time of day as my birth control pill, because they can counteract each other.
-The first medication I will be taking is called Lupron. This is an injection I will give to myself daily (in my thigh or abdomen) & it basically makes me stop ovulating. It will make my body feel like it is going into menopause. The reason for this medication (to my understanding) is that this way I have no chance of getting pregnant with my own child, since my body won't release any eggs during this time. I will be doing this injection for the weeks leading up to the transfer. I think there are other medical reasons why I will be on Lupron.. but I am still learning all of these reasons. (and after reading about this medication on none other than the internet (here), I am confident I am going to feel like a loony! So, bear with me! :)
-The next medication will be an estrogen patch. Just a small patch, placed on my abdomen, that will administer doses of estrogen to me. This will support the development of the embryo and stabilize the uterine lining. I am unsure the amount of time I will wear this patch, but it's my understanding that I begin using it around the transfer date and will continue to wear it for several weeks following the transfer.
-The last medication I will be taking is progesterone and that will be for the weeks prior to the transfer and 8-10 weeks following the transfer. Progesterone is a hormone produced naturally by the ovaries to help thicken the lining. This makes it easier for the embryo to implant and too little progesterone can result in miscarriage. This is the medication I am dreading the most. There are 2 forms of it. One method is an injection that is to be given intramuscularly in the rear; normally I don't mind injections, but this will be an oil that needs to be injected. The person giving it needs to keep in mind that it is an oil because it isn't too easy to administer. Sounds ouchy to me. The other method for progesterone is a suppository that will be needed to be done 2-3 times a day. I am assuming I will be going with the latter choice, but we'll have to see.
While explaining the above medications everyone has asked "why?" Most have followed that question with "I got pregnant and carried a baby to full term without these crazy medications... why do you have to do all of this?"
Well, first off... I am still learning. I don't have all of the answers YET and yes, some of it still confuses me. But, what I do know, is that this is a non-traditional way to get pregnant. The doctors will be taking a frozen embryo and 'thawing' it for a few days before they transfer into my body to grow to a fullterm baby. Things have to be done differently because they are being started differently. I am sure my body will be confused and these meds will help it adjust.
So, the next step is to work on what is called the parentage agreement (contract between us and intended dad, Frank). I will be appointed a lawyer and Frank will work with his lawyer and we will put all of the necessary information into a written agreement and both parties will sign on the dotted line. I am sure this will take several weeks to get finalized but in the meantime we should be getting a transfer date! The clinic does transfers every other month and so their next month is November. We are hoping for an early November transfer!
All for now! Any questions? :)
Once I got to the center, I was able to sit down with the doctor and talk about what is to come. I was surprised to meet with him for close to an hour since it's unusual these days to get such one-on-one time with a doctor. But, it was great because he was so thorough in explaining the entire process and what I can expect in the coming months. He also explained that he had read my medical history and wanted to talk about my pregnancy with my twins. He had me explain, in my own words, how the pregnancy went and why I delivered when I did (very pre-term). He agreed with everything I said, and explained that the chance of the same thing happening again to me (TTTS), is no higher of a chance for me than anyone else. He also explained that I delivered two babies at almost 28 weeks. So, with their combined weight and size, my uterus grew to the size of what one fullterm baby would be. With that said, I should have no problems carrying a baby to fullterm. I never had issues with pre-term labor or anything like that. After that chat, I headed into the exam room for my tests. The tests consisted of bloodwork, routine physical exam & a few other not-so-fun tests.
One of the main procedures the doctor did was called a 'mock embryo transfer'. The doctor inserted a catheter into my uterus and first cleaned it with some saline and then proceeded to measure the length and depth. The reason they do this procedure is so on the transfer date, they know exact where to go with the embryo and where to place it.
The next procedure was the doctor injected dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes & inflated a balloon inside my uterus. They took lots of ultrasound images to get a clear photo of my uterus. This test is done to be sure the lining in my uterus looks good and basically to 'ok' me to become pregnant.
The tests took about 15 minutes total, although, it seemed a bit longer. It wasn't excruciating pain by any means, but it was definitely uncomfortable.
The doctor told me that everything looked great and he saw no reason for me to not be able to proceed with this surrogacy! I was very happy to hear that. :)
After the tests, I went back into the consultation room and met with the IVF nurse. She went over all the medications with me and how to administer them. It was definitely a lot of information!
THE MEDS:
-First things first- I started birth control pills. The reason I needed to start these is so that they know when the transfer could happen. The pill regulates the cycle & will make the 'guessing' less 'guessing' and more precise. So, I started those 2 weeks ago after I had my IUD removed.
-Next the nurse gave me some prenatal vitamins to start taking. The biggest concern is to take them the opposite time of day as my birth control pill, because they can counteract each other.
-The first medication I will be taking is called Lupron. This is an injection I will give to myself daily (in my thigh or abdomen) & it basically makes me stop ovulating. It will make my body feel like it is going into menopause. The reason for this medication (to my understanding) is that this way I have no chance of getting pregnant with my own child, since my body won't release any eggs during this time. I will be doing this injection for the weeks leading up to the transfer. I think there are other medical reasons why I will be on Lupron.. but I am still learning all of these reasons. (and after reading about this medication on none other than the internet (here), I am confident I am going to feel like a loony! So, bear with me! :)
-The next medication will be an estrogen patch. Just a small patch, placed on my abdomen, that will administer doses of estrogen to me. This will support the development of the embryo and stabilize the uterine lining. I am unsure the amount of time I will wear this patch, but it's my understanding that I begin using it around the transfer date and will continue to wear it for several weeks following the transfer.
-The last medication I will be taking is progesterone and that will be for the weeks prior to the transfer and 8-10 weeks following the transfer. Progesterone is a hormone produced naturally by the ovaries to help thicken the lining. This makes it easier for the embryo to implant and too little progesterone can result in miscarriage. This is the medication I am dreading the most. There are 2 forms of it. One method is an injection that is to be given intramuscularly in the rear; normally I don't mind injections, but this will be an oil that needs to be injected. The person giving it needs to keep in mind that it is an oil because it isn't too easy to administer. Sounds ouchy to me. The other method for progesterone is a suppository that will be needed to be done 2-3 times a day. I am assuming I will be going with the latter choice, but we'll have to see.
While explaining the above medications everyone has asked "why?" Most have followed that question with "I got pregnant and carried a baby to full term without these crazy medications... why do you have to do all of this?"
Well, first off... I am still learning. I don't have all of the answers YET and yes, some of it still confuses me. But, what I do know, is that this is a non-traditional way to get pregnant. The doctors will be taking a frozen embryo and 'thawing' it for a few days before they transfer into my body to grow to a fullterm baby. Things have to be done differently because they are being started differently. I am sure my body will be confused and these meds will help it adjust.
So, the next step is to work on what is called the parentage agreement (contract between us and intended dad, Frank). I will be appointed a lawyer and Frank will work with his lawyer and we will put all of the necessary information into a written agreement and both parties will sign on the dotted line. I am sure this will take several weeks to get finalized but in the meantime we should be getting a transfer date! The clinic does transfers every other month and so their next month is November. We are hoping for an early November transfer!
All for now! Any questions? :)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Whats next?
Well our trip with Frank ended great. We had a day to just relax and show him around our area. We took him to my studio & he loved eating at our restaurant! We spent the afternoon at a coffeeshop just sipping some yummy espresso & chatting some more.
Steven and I both agree we feel like we have known him for years. Crazy that our time was just a few hours, in total... seems like our friendship dates back years ago.
So, we said our goodbyes & wished him well. It was crazy to think that the next time we see him... I will be pregnant (fingers crossed)!
I have run into a few friends lately and the question comes up "So, whats next in the process?" Well, next step is medical clearance for me. I will go to the fertility clinic in Illinois and have an ultrasound along with a whole slew of tests to be sure I am ok to get pregnant. The appt should be very soon... most likely within this month!
After that looks good we will schedule the transfer date! If everything sticks to the schedule & 'plan' then we are talking about a late October transfer!
Between the medical clearance and the transfer, the contracts need to be written and signed. Basically I will be appointed a lawyer & so will Frank.... we will type up all of the details of what is to come in the next year. It's pretty standard, although, I know its good (for both parties) to put everything in writing.
It's crazy to think how quickly this is all going to happen now! I feel like I've waited so long to get going in this process and now, it will be all over before I blink!
We've heard from Frank a few times since he has flown back home; and he always sends us the sweetest, most encouraging words. It's so comforting to feel such a connection with him. My last message to him I said "I can't wait for you to become a daddy, very soon!" And, it's true. I can't. He will make one heck of a dad, I already know that.
For those of you reading- I would love it if you would think of him & this process whenever you have a minute to pray or send some positive energy out to the universe. As I have mentioned before, Frank isn't new to the surrogacy world. He has been in this process for quite sometime and experienced some very awful heartbreaks (with failed transfers & losing his twins). So, this transfer in October is so important that it works. Frank has embryo's frozen and those will be the ones they will implant (most likely just one, unless the doctor recommends doing 2) & if they don't work, Frank will have some re-evaluating to do. It could mean he would need to start over with a new egg donor, or change something else in the process. This is the last thing he or we want. But, I told Frank when he was here..."I have a good feeling about everything" I really do. I think the timing is right. So far everything seems so right. :)
So, if you have a minute... send us some positive energy that an embryo takes and we can make Frank a daddy very soon! The transfer won't happen for another 7+ weeks, but I know the power of prayer can work wonders! :)
Thanks for reading!
-Kenzi
Steven and I both agree we feel like we have known him for years. Crazy that our time was just a few hours, in total... seems like our friendship dates back years ago.
So, we said our goodbyes & wished him well. It was crazy to think that the next time we see him... I will be pregnant (fingers crossed)!
I have run into a few friends lately and the question comes up "So, whats next in the process?" Well, next step is medical clearance for me. I will go to the fertility clinic in Illinois and have an ultrasound along with a whole slew of tests to be sure I am ok to get pregnant. The appt should be very soon... most likely within this month!
After that looks good we will schedule the transfer date! If everything sticks to the schedule & 'plan' then we are talking about a late October transfer!
Between the medical clearance and the transfer, the contracts need to be written and signed. Basically I will be appointed a lawyer & so will Frank.... we will type up all of the details of what is to come in the next year. It's pretty standard, although, I know its good (for both parties) to put everything in writing.
It's crazy to think how quickly this is all going to happen now! I feel like I've waited so long to get going in this process and now, it will be all over before I blink!
We've heard from Frank a few times since he has flown back home; and he always sends us the sweetest, most encouraging words. It's so comforting to feel such a connection with him. My last message to him I said "I can't wait for you to become a daddy, very soon!" And, it's true. I can't. He will make one heck of a dad, I already know that.
For those of you reading- I would love it if you would think of him & this process whenever you have a minute to pray or send some positive energy out to the universe. As I have mentioned before, Frank isn't new to the surrogacy world. He has been in this process for quite sometime and experienced some very awful heartbreaks (with failed transfers & losing his twins). So, this transfer in October is so important that it works. Frank has embryo's frozen and those will be the ones they will implant (most likely just one, unless the doctor recommends doing 2) & if they don't work, Frank will have some re-evaluating to do. It could mean he would need to start over with a new egg donor, or change something else in the process. This is the last thing he or we want. But, I told Frank when he was here..."I have a good feeling about everything" I really do. I think the timing is right. So far everything seems so right. :)
So, if you have a minute... send us some positive energy that an embryo takes and we can make Frank a daddy very soon! The transfer won't happen for another 7+ weeks, but I know the power of prayer can work wonders! :)
Thanks for reading!
-Kenzi
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Hangin' out on cloud 9...
As I sit here, I am looking at the computer screen with welled up eyes. So much so, it's hard for me to see the computer screen. It's difficult to even try to explain the day that Steven and I had yesterday, meeting the intended father for the child I will carry as a surrogate.
When I started thinking about surrogacy, I often would daydream about the parents I would carry for. All types of people would cross my mind & so many thoughts would consume my imagination. But, never did I think we could find someone so absolutely perfect for us, as we did yesterday.
We arrived to the agency in Wisconsin around 1pm and as soon as we walked in, the receptionist let us know that the dad and the 2 coordinators had went to lunch and would be back shortly. Oh man, the nerves set in! I sat there anxiously awaiting the car to pull up. So much so, the receptionist said "You are nervous, aren't you???" I said "YES! Very!!" It's a moment I had dreamed up to be so right that I was afraid it could go wrong.
The ladies walked in first and of course we exchanged big hugs since it had been 6 months since we have seen them. And, then I walked over and introduced myself & Steven and gave a big hugs to the intended dad. <--- who from now on we will just call "Frank" to make it simpler.
Over the next 2 hours the 5 of us just talked and talked about what is to come. Frank explained to us why is he reaching out to surrogacy & how all he wants in this lifetime is to become a father. At points in the conversation I just looked to Steven and was like "Wow, could he be more perfect for us?" We both agreed that he reminds us of two of my best guy friends mixed into one person. Which of course, describes what a great match he is for us.
We got all of the necessary questions answered and we decided to head back to Iowa and Frank would follow us.
After he checked into his hotel, we brought him to see our house, meet my parents and meet our boys. We had a great chat with him and my parents (with all the 3 year old crazy boy chaos going on in the background). It was at this point in the conversation that Frank mentioned he is very active with charity work. I basically wanted to do a double take... "I'm sorry... you're what?!" For anyone who knows me, knows I am a huge advocate for the March of Dimes, as well as several other non-profit organizations and charities. I looked over to Steven and I said "I just can't believe it. He is such a great fit"
After about an hour of meeting with my family, the 3 of us decided to head to one of the restaurants in town here so we could really get to know each other. IT.WENT.FABULOUS.
We didn't stop talking for the entire 2 hours we were there. We talked about our pasts, our siblings, our parents, traveling, children, relationships and of course, this baby who will make their appearance next year. We talked about how communication will work over the course of the year and how often we can chat. I let him know that I am very willing to chat everyday by email or phone. I can't imagine how hard it will be for him to be 1,000's of miles away from his growing baby & not know what is going on. He said to me "please tell me how you are feeling. If you feel great, tell me. If you are going to throw up, tell me. I want to know the good and the bad, too."
I remember sitting at the dinner table, across from Frank and just soaking it all in. I held back tears and thought to myself "This is why I am doing this." Adoption isn't an option for a single man and this is his only option to have a child. We can help him do that. We can help his dream come true.
Everything felt so natural with the 3 of us and I know that is what is most important in this journey.
Well, I think that is all for now. We are going to pick up Frank from his hotel and take him to see our restaurant and my studio! Thanks again for your support!
When I started thinking about surrogacy, I often would daydream about the parents I would carry for. All types of people would cross my mind & so many thoughts would consume my imagination. But, never did I think we could find someone so absolutely perfect for us, as we did yesterday.
We arrived to the agency in Wisconsin around 1pm and as soon as we walked in, the receptionist let us know that the dad and the 2 coordinators had went to lunch and would be back shortly. Oh man, the nerves set in! I sat there anxiously awaiting the car to pull up. So much so, the receptionist said "You are nervous, aren't you???" I said "YES! Very!!" It's a moment I had dreamed up to be so right that I was afraid it could go wrong.
The ladies walked in first and of course we exchanged big hugs since it had been 6 months since we have seen them. And, then I walked over and introduced myself & Steven and gave a big hugs to the intended dad. <--- who from now on we will just call "Frank" to make it simpler.
Over the next 2 hours the 5 of us just talked and talked about what is to come. Frank explained to us why is he reaching out to surrogacy & how all he wants in this lifetime is to become a father. At points in the conversation I just looked to Steven and was like "Wow, could he be more perfect for us?" We both agreed that he reminds us of two of my best guy friends mixed into one person. Which of course, describes what a great match he is for us.
We got all of the necessary questions answered and we decided to head back to Iowa and Frank would follow us.
After he checked into his hotel, we brought him to see our house, meet my parents and meet our boys. We had a great chat with him and my parents (with all the 3 year old crazy boy chaos going on in the background). It was at this point in the conversation that Frank mentioned he is very active with charity work. I basically wanted to do a double take... "I'm sorry... you're what?!" For anyone who knows me, knows I am a huge advocate for the March of Dimes, as well as several other non-profit organizations and charities. I looked over to Steven and I said "I just can't believe it. He is such a great fit"
After about an hour of meeting with my family, the 3 of us decided to head to one of the restaurants in town here so we could really get to know each other. IT.WENT.FABULOUS.
We didn't stop talking for the entire 2 hours we were there. We talked about our pasts, our siblings, our parents, traveling, children, relationships and of course, this baby who will make their appearance next year. We talked about how communication will work over the course of the year and how often we can chat. I let him know that I am very willing to chat everyday by email or phone. I can't imagine how hard it will be for him to be 1,000's of miles away from his growing baby & not know what is going on. He said to me "please tell me how you are feeling. If you feel great, tell me. If you are going to throw up, tell me. I want to know the good and the bad, too."
I remember sitting at the dinner table, across from Frank and just soaking it all in. I held back tears and thought to myself "This is why I am doing this." Adoption isn't an option for a single man and this is his only option to have a child. We can help him do that. We can help his dream come true.
Everything felt so natural with the 3 of us and I know that is what is most important in this journey.
Well, I think that is all for now. We are going to pick up Frank from his hotel and take him to see our restaurant and my studio! Thanks again for your support!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Meet the Parent! :)
So we finally have a date set to meet the intended dad that I will be a gestational surrogate for! The BIG DAY is set for Aug 29 and we will meet at the agency in Wisconsin!
If all goes well, the dad plans to come back to CR to meet my family/friends and to see the community and my workplace. Steven and I are both so excited that this process has started moving along and we can't wait to finally meet the ID.
We also know that the ID is completely supportive of me blogging this journey. He knows that this will be a good outlet for me, all the while, promoting positive and ethical surrogacy ideas. That made me extremely happy. As of right now, his identity will stay private and I don't plan on posting photos or his name, unless he gives me the Ok to do so. But, I will be sure to share anything and everything you may or may not want to know! ha! :)
Also, the agency gals have said that this will most likely move pretty quickly after our first meeting with a tentative TRANSFER in October! Yikes, I might be pregnant in just a few short months! :)
So, the countdown begins... we are meeting in less than 18 days! WOOOHOOOO! I can't wait to post after we meet.
If all goes well, the dad plans to come back to CR to meet my family/friends and to see the community and my workplace. Steven and I are both so excited that this process has started moving along and we can't wait to finally meet the ID.
We also know that the ID is completely supportive of me blogging this journey. He knows that this will be a good outlet for me, all the while, promoting positive and ethical surrogacy ideas. That made me extremely happy. As of right now, his identity will stay private and I don't plan on posting photos or his name, unless he gives me the Ok to do so. But, I will be sure to share anything and everything you may or may not want to know! ha! :)
Also, the agency gals have said that this will most likely move pretty quickly after our first meeting with a tentative TRANSFER in October! Yikes, I might be pregnant in just a few short months! :)
So, the countdown begins... we are meeting in less than 18 days! WOOOHOOOO! I can't wait to post after we meet.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The wait was so worth it....
All I can say is I was able to read the file (and see photos!) of the intended dad and OH MY. It feels so right. Now I know, the wait was so worth it. It's been 6 months that I have been waiting for a match but I didn't want to settle for anything that didn't feel right.
(Those of you who missed a blog post or two, my last match didn't feel right to me as we got further into the process, so I decided to wait until the agency had a new match.)
So, a little about my match... A single guy who wants nothing more than to be a dad. Reading his application it made me realize he really wants this. When the agency first told me a bit about him, I was cautiously optimistic, but I was slightly worried all at the same time. I was already matched with a single guy and it ended up not being at all the right match for me... would this happen again? I can't say that those thoughts and concerns didn't consume me, but, as LeeAnn (from agency) went on to explain him and his story, I knew it was meant to be. He was previously matched with a surrogate and unfortunately had some failed transfers and even lost twins at 11 weeks- so, he was told it would be best to find a new surrogate. That totally breaks my heart that he has already had to endure such heartache in his process. But, it is also a total eye opener. After going thru all of that, some people would give up hope and decide to quit... but, he wants a child so badly & will keep fighting for his dream. I hope I can be the right match for him!
We will call this match, "intended dad" or "ID" as I am writing about him in this blog. ID sounds like a total sweetheart and I am anxious to meet him! AND, he already has a flight scheduled for the end of August... eeekkkk! We will be meeting in a month.
The agency has said that he is very ready for this. Although this whole process is a waiting game, it sounds like this will move very quickly because of all he has already been thru.
What an amazing match. I knew it would be worth it.
Smiling ear to ear,
Kenzi :)
(Those of you who missed a blog post or two, my last match didn't feel right to me as we got further into the process, so I decided to wait until the agency had a new match.)
So, a little about my match... A single guy who wants nothing more than to be a dad. Reading his application it made me realize he really wants this. When the agency first told me a bit about him, I was cautiously optimistic, but I was slightly worried all at the same time. I was already matched with a single guy and it ended up not being at all the right match for me... would this happen again? I can't say that those thoughts and concerns didn't consume me, but, as LeeAnn (from agency) went on to explain him and his story, I knew it was meant to be. He was previously matched with a surrogate and unfortunately had some failed transfers and even lost twins at 11 weeks- so, he was told it would be best to find a new surrogate. That totally breaks my heart that he has already had to endure such heartache in his process. But, it is also a total eye opener. After going thru all of that, some people would give up hope and decide to quit... but, he wants a child so badly & will keep fighting for his dream. I hope I can be the right match for him!
We will call this match, "intended dad" or "ID" as I am writing about him in this blog. ID sounds like a total sweetheart and I am anxious to meet him! AND, he already has a flight scheduled for the end of August... eeekkkk! We will be meeting in a month.
The agency has said that he is very ready for this. Although this whole process is a waiting game, it sounds like this will move very quickly because of all he has already been thru.
What an amazing match. I knew it would be worth it.
Smiling ear to ear,
Kenzi :)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Some news... :)
This is going to be short and sweet just as a quick update. I got a call a few days ago that the agency had lined up a new potential match! I'm pretty excited about it, especially because of how great of a match the agency thinks we are :)
I am not going to give any more details until my application has been approved by the intended parent and until I have approved their file. I am trying not to get too excited yet until I know this is the right match, for us :) I am prepared to wait a little longer if it doesn't feel right. Like I've said before, this is a major experience in my life and I want it to be the best it can be.
Have a good Sunday, I should have 'news' very soon since the agency says this match would move VERY quickly. :)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Back to the drawing board...
Hello again.
Just wanting to update the blog with some not-so-fantastic-news. After much consideration, it looked like "S" might not be the perfect match for me, after all.
He found this blog and was very concerned about what could and couldn't be posted on this during my journey. Honestly, I felt very disappointed. When I first started this blog, I remember chatting with the gals at the agency and they were 100% all for me blogging my experience. At one point I remember LeeAnn saying "That will be a great way for your intended parents to feel connected to you and the pregnancy. What a great idea!"
Well, that isn't how S felt and he felt I possibly crossed some lines in what I had already said in my blog.
When the intended parents that I will carry for read my blog I want them to smile, laugh, and possibly even cry because they feel I am the correct match for them. I would never want them to feel like I crossed any boundaries. This is a year out of my life, or possibly more, and I want my family and friends to feel connected to this journey, thus, why I feel the need to blog it.
I want to inspire others, to journal my thoughts and most importantly, share my experience. Surrogacy is a very unique thing, these days, and I felt alone when I started this process. Reading (other surrogate) blogs were a way for me to read about the process & see what to expect in the coming months.
I have already had 5 woman contact me that are inspired to be a surrogate too and have asked how they should get started once they are ready. THAT is why I write this blog. I know that without my husbands support and pushing me to move forward, I would have never filled out that first application. And, sometimes thats all you need to do something 'different'.... just someone telling you it is ok to do something that not EVERYONE wants to do (or could do.) So, for me, my blog might be a good push for someone else who has considered being a surrogate; or even a loving parent wanting a child and needing a surrogate.
This whole situation has definitely taught me that I want to be who I am throughout this entire process. Sharing my life with others is how I choose to live my life. I am an extremely open person & I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am not going to change that and I hope to find intended parents that love that about me. I know there is a perfect match out there for me somewhere... I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer!
Thanks for reading and I will be SURE to update once I have another potential match. Until then, I wait *patiently*.
Just wanting to update the blog with some not-so-fantastic-news. After much consideration, it looked like "S" might not be the perfect match for me, after all.
He found this blog and was very concerned about what could and couldn't be posted on this during my journey. Honestly, I felt very disappointed. When I first started this blog, I remember chatting with the gals at the agency and they were 100% all for me blogging my experience. At one point I remember LeeAnn saying "That will be a great way for your intended parents to feel connected to you and the pregnancy. What a great idea!"
Well, that isn't how S felt and he felt I possibly crossed some lines in what I had already said in my blog.
When the intended parents that I will carry for read my blog I want them to smile, laugh, and possibly even cry because they feel I am the correct match for them. I would never want them to feel like I crossed any boundaries. This is a year out of my life, or possibly more, and I want my family and friends to feel connected to this journey, thus, why I feel the need to blog it.
I want to inspire others, to journal my thoughts and most importantly, share my experience. Surrogacy is a very unique thing, these days, and I felt alone when I started this process. Reading (other surrogate) blogs were a way for me to read about the process & see what to expect in the coming months.
I have already had 5 woman contact me that are inspired to be a surrogate too and have asked how they should get started once they are ready. THAT is why I write this blog. I know that without my husbands support and pushing me to move forward, I would have never filled out that first application. And, sometimes thats all you need to do something 'different'.... just someone telling you it is ok to do something that not EVERYONE wants to do (or could do.) So, for me, my blog might be a good push for someone else who has considered being a surrogate; or even a loving parent wanting a child and needing a surrogate.
This whole situation has definitely taught me that I want to be who I am throughout this entire process. Sharing my life with others is how I choose to live my life. I am an extremely open person & I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am not going to change that and I hope to find intended parents that love that about me. I know there is a perfect match out there for me somewhere... I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer!
Thanks for reading and I will be SURE to update once I have another potential match. Until then, I wait *patiently*.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Officially a MATCH
I was unavailable today for about an hour and of course that one hour I received a phone call from The Surrogacy Center with THE NEWS.
I had a voicemail from LeeAnn (the director of agency) who said she had GREAT news for me. S loved my file and is so excited. She gave me some direct quotes from his email- this is written by his translator/friend,
"S has been over the moon about the fact you have already found a surrogate and such a perfect one as well. I would like to express his deepest thanks on his behalf. He said that he was so grateful to you for finding such a positive person full of energy and wanting to share her joy of being parents with him."
Ohhhh, I definitely welled up with tears when I read that. I can't believe I am officially matched. The next step is I will get to look over all of his information and just be sure that I am ok with all of it- but, I am sure I will be. After that... we MEET. I will know more information after I actually talk to LeeAnn tomorrow morning. So, I will definitely update you all!
I don't know what else to say other than I am SO excited. This process if finally happening!!!
Thanks for reading! xoxo
Friday, May 18, 2012
I'm JUST the oven.
Hi everyone!
Just a very quick post to clear up the question of "Is this your egg and S's sperm?" NO NO NO. Absolutely not. This will NOT be my egg and never would be.
The agency I work with only does "Gestational surrogates" meaning the surrogate carries a child whom is not related to them. It is called "Traditional surrogacy" when the the surrogate uses her own egg but the intended father's sperm. This is a lot messier when it comes to the birth of the child since adoption would need to be involved, etc.
There are some people that can donate eggs and be totally ok with it... but, I am not one of them. I will be just the oven bakin' this lil bun! :) Hope that clears up that question! I posted that a few posts back but I assume not everyone will be reading back thru all of them.
Still waiting to hear something! I will be sure to post it as soon as I know anything!
Just a very quick post to clear up the question of "Is this your egg and S's sperm?" NO NO NO. Absolutely not. This will NOT be my egg and never would be.
The agency I work with only does "Gestational surrogates" meaning the surrogate carries a child whom is not related to them. It is called "Traditional surrogacy" when the the surrogate uses her own egg but the intended father's sperm. This is a lot messier when it comes to the birth of the child since adoption would need to be involved, etc.
There are some people that can donate eggs and be totally ok with it... but, I am not one of them. I will be just the oven bakin' this lil bun! :) Hope that clears up that question! I posted that a few posts back but I assume not everyone will be reading back thru all of them.
Still waiting to hear something! I will be sure to post it as soon as I know anything!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
A Potential MATCH!
Well, today is the day I have been waiting months for! LeeAnn (from the agency) called me today with news of a potential match! I was so eager for her phone call and even had a hard time sleeping last night knowing it was coming! :)
So, she said the potential match is a man from France--for privacy purposes until I get his "ok" we will call him "S". LeeAnn said that S is a single guy from France who is super easy-going, relaxed and has a love of life. LeeAnn said that S and I share the same "spark for life." I LOVED hearing that and couldn't stop smiling the whole conversation with LeeAnn.
She said S is a pharmacist in France and has no kids, yet. LeeAnn said he loves his family very much and sent an entire photobook along with his application. Of course I LOVE that he loves photos! :)
He said in his application that "his purpose in life was to have children and be a father." I admit, I got tears in my eyes hearing LeeAnn say that. THAT statement is the exact reason I want to be a surrogate.
When Steven and I originally were filling out our application for this process, we had decided that we wouldn't check the box for single parents. We had thought this process should be for a couple to do together. But, as soon as we got further into this journey- we changed our minds 100%. Steven and I are so open to all types of lifestyles. No ones life is better than another and no ones beliefs are either. When we had our interview with the agency back in February we explained that we were open to a single parent surrogacy. What if Steven and I had never met? Does that mean I shouldn't be a mommy? And Steven can't become a daddy? No. Period.
There are people put on this Earth that feel their sole purpose was to have a family and to love that family, unconditionally. And, S is a great example of that.
Surrogacy isn't an easy process for intended parents. It's very costly, time consuming and I am sure it is extremely scary. If a single parent has decided to start this process, that exudes their strength and their love for wanting a family. There isn't too many people in this world that could go thru surrogacy; but I think that if a single parent can get thru that- then they can surely get thru everything that a single parent has to go thru in the years following the birth of their child.
S has 2 weeks to look over my application and make a final decision. My insurance coverage falls into some 'grey area'. It isn't a yes or a no as to if surrogacy pregnancy is covered so that is something that S has to consider. He would need to take out an extra policy for me just in case my insurance denies the claims.
So, its going to be a LONG 2 week wait! But, LeeAnn said that she hopes to get some feedback right away and she will let me know if she hears anything! He will have my file today and can start going thru it right away.
LeeAnn said that S said he would like to come from France and meet me VERY soon if he decides we are good match! So, LeeAnn said this process would start to move very quickly. Eeeekkkk!!
Thank you again for all of your support, words, comments, thoughts, prayers. I appreciated the positivity more than you guys will ever know. LOVE.LOVE.LOVE to you all.
I can't stop smiling, in case you were wondering :) :) :)
Kenzi
So, she said the potential match is a man from France--for privacy purposes until I get his "ok" we will call him "S". LeeAnn said that S is a single guy from France who is super easy-going, relaxed and has a love of life. LeeAnn said that S and I share the same "spark for life." I LOVED hearing that and couldn't stop smiling the whole conversation with LeeAnn.
She said S is a pharmacist in France and has no kids, yet. LeeAnn said he loves his family very much and sent an entire photobook along with his application. Of course I LOVE that he loves photos! :)
He said in his application that "his purpose in life was to have children and be a father." I admit, I got tears in my eyes hearing LeeAnn say that. THAT statement is the exact reason I want to be a surrogate.
When Steven and I originally were filling out our application for this process, we had decided that we wouldn't check the box for single parents. We had thought this process should be for a couple to do together. But, as soon as we got further into this journey- we changed our minds 100%. Steven and I are so open to all types of lifestyles. No ones life is better than another and no ones beliefs are either. When we had our interview with the agency back in February we explained that we were open to a single parent surrogacy. What if Steven and I had never met? Does that mean I shouldn't be a mommy? And Steven can't become a daddy? No. Period.
There are people put on this Earth that feel their sole purpose was to have a family and to love that family, unconditionally. And, S is a great example of that.
Surrogacy isn't an easy process for intended parents. It's very costly, time consuming and I am sure it is extremely scary. If a single parent has decided to start this process, that exudes their strength and their love for wanting a family. There isn't too many people in this world that could go thru surrogacy; but I think that if a single parent can get thru that- then they can surely get thru everything that a single parent has to go thru in the years following the birth of their child.
S has 2 weeks to look over my application and make a final decision. My insurance coverage falls into some 'grey area'. It isn't a yes or a no as to if surrogacy pregnancy is covered so that is something that S has to consider. He would need to take out an extra policy for me just in case my insurance denies the claims.
So, its going to be a LONG 2 week wait! But, LeeAnn said that she hopes to get some feedback right away and she will let me know if she hears anything! He will have my file today and can start going thru it right away.
LeeAnn said that S said he would like to come from France and meet me VERY soon if he decides we are good match! So, LeeAnn said this process would start to move very quickly. Eeeekkkk!!
Thank you again for all of your support, words, comments, thoughts, prayers. I appreciated the positivity more than you guys will ever know. LOVE.LOVE.LOVE to you all.
I can't stop smiling, in case you were wondering :) :) :)
Kenzi
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
No news...
Just wanted to write a quick update to say I still have NO news! Still waiting to be matched with a potential family and this wait is tough! I do have to admit that it has gone by rather quickly since it has been almost 2 months since we were welcomed into the program. I guess the nice weather is a good distraction for me.
Seems like I run into so many close family & friends and one of the first questions is "Any news on surrogacy?" So, to answer that question...."Nope!"
I promise you guys will all be the FIRST to know when there is news! Thank you again for all of the positive support. So far we have yet to have any negative feedback (well.... at least none to our face!) :)
Seems like I run into so many close family & friends and one of the first questions is "Any news on surrogacy?" So, to answer that question...."Nope!"
I promise you guys will all be the FIRST to know when there is news! Thank you again for all of the positive support. So far we have yet to have any negative feedback (well.... at least none to our face!) :)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A good answer to THE question....
No news yet. Man, I am so impatient! I check my email every 5 minutes :)
I am happy to say I have gotten such amazing feedback from all of my family & friends. So much positivity! You guys have no idea how much it means to have your support. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The main question I have gotten is "WHY?" Well, I wish I had a good answer for you.
Surrogacy has always interested me and I think my thoughts started back in high school about wanting to be a surrogate mom. It was something that was always in the back of my head but I never thought it would be something I would do. However, most of you that know me, know that if I want to do it... I DO IT. So, I guess it goes without explanation that if I wanted to do it, it would happen. I mentioned it to Steven a few times when we were dating but we really didn't discuss it much.
After the boys were born it was a constant thought of mine. Steven and I would talk about it here and there but nothing serious. After the boys' first birthday Steven and I had the major discussion that we didn't want any more of our own children. We had always planned on having two kids & so just because we got them at the same time, didn't mean we had to change our plan & have more. So last summer I started becoming very serious with surrogacy plans & applying to agencies. At this point, Steven was on board and understood how much it meant to me. I guess you could say this is a dream of mine. I want to help deserving parents make THEIR dream come true. I couldn't imagine not being able to get pregnant & have to deal with infertility. It isn't fair. Everyone should be able to have their own child. Plus, I loved being pregnant.
These past few weeks I have been reading several blogs written by surrogate moms & it has really helped prepare me for whats to come & what to expect thru-out it all. Last night I came across a blog written by an intended mom. It was so neat to read the other side of surrogacy. I still have a lot more reading to do on this blog but I came across one post that just SAYS IT ALL. Like I said, the one question I have gotten is "Why would you do this for a stranger?" And, I feel like what people want to say is "So, you are getting paid for this?". Well, yes and no. Yes, I will be getting paid but no this is NOT why I am doing it.
This blog I was reading had a surrogate mom ask what the intended moms view of the compensation was and I just LOVE her response. If you choose to not read anything else that I post... just read this.
The intended mom was asked this question
"Jaymee, you speak so highly of surrogates. How do you feel about the compensation aspect? Most surrogates request financial compensation for their journeys. I'd love it if you could post your thoughts, as an Intended Mom, on that issue. As a surrogate, that was (and continues to be) my biggest hurdle. From my seat it feels like people suck all of the good out of the journey just because of that one detail; as if it is not a good thing unless it is "free". But the people speaking those words have never been in your shoes; I wonder how it is viewed from your side?"
And here is HER response. Again, this is coming from an intended mom. (so, the mom who will be having a surrogate carry her biological child for her).
Thanks for reading. :)
I am happy to say I have gotten such amazing feedback from all of my family & friends. So much positivity! You guys have no idea how much it means to have your support. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The main question I have gotten is "WHY?" Well, I wish I had a good answer for you.
Surrogacy has always interested me and I think my thoughts started back in high school about wanting to be a surrogate mom. It was something that was always in the back of my head but I never thought it would be something I would do. However, most of you that know me, know that if I want to do it... I DO IT. So, I guess it goes without explanation that if I wanted to do it, it would happen. I mentioned it to Steven a few times when we were dating but we really didn't discuss it much.
After the boys were born it was a constant thought of mine. Steven and I would talk about it here and there but nothing serious. After the boys' first birthday Steven and I had the major discussion that we didn't want any more of our own children. We had always planned on having two kids & so just because we got them at the same time, didn't mean we had to change our plan & have more. So last summer I started becoming very serious with surrogacy plans & applying to agencies. At this point, Steven was on board and understood how much it meant to me. I guess you could say this is a dream of mine. I want to help deserving parents make THEIR dream come true. I couldn't imagine not being able to get pregnant & have to deal with infertility. It isn't fair. Everyone should be able to have their own child. Plus, I loved being pregnant.
These past few weeks I have been reading several blogs written by surrogate moms & it has really helped prepare me for whats to come & what to expect thru-out it all. Last night I came across a blog written by an intended mom. It was so neat to read the other side of surrogacy. I still have a lot more reading to do on this blog but I came across one post that just SAYS IT ALL. Like I said, the one question I have gotten is "Why would you do this for a stranger?" And, I feel like what people want to say is "So, you are getting paid for this?". Well, yes and no. Yes, I will be getting paid but no this is NOT why I am doing it.
This blog I was reading had a surrogate mom ask what the intended moms view of the compensation was and I just LOVE her response. If you choose to not read anything else that I post... just read this.
The intended mom was asked this question
"Jaymee, you speak so highly of surrogates. How do you feel about the compensation aspect? Most surrogates request financial compensation for their journeys. I'd love it if you could post your thoughts, as an Intended Mom, on that issue. As a surrogate, that was (and continues to be) my biggest hurdle. From my seat it feels like people suck all of the good out of the journey just because of that one detail; as if it is not a good thing unless it is "free". But the people speaking those words have never been in your shoes; I wonder how it is viewed from your side?"
And here is HER response. Again, this is coming from an intended mom. (so, the mom who will be having a surrogate carry her biological child for her).
"Wow, are you sure, you would not just like to know the meaning of life?
Seriously, this was one of my major concerns when we started this process. First, I need to dispel the myth that all surrogates are poor, financially unstable, and uneducated. In my experience, this could not be further from the truth. The majority of these women are doing this to help others experience the joys of parenthood, they had easy pregnancies or in some cases dealt with infertility themselves or someone close to them has, the money that they receive is a secondary benefit. From what I have read many of these women are using the money to put away extra funds, start college funds, or to help pay for further education for themselves, they are not using the money to throw crazy parties or expensive vacations. Most of the surrogates that I know are appalled when others comment on how nice it must be to get the extra money.
It would be wonderful to live in a world where everything was free, time ran as fast or a slow, as we needed, and every problem would be solved with a hug and a kiss. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything, including the air at the gas station, costs money. We as a society have agreed that the paper with dead white guys on it is how we are going to trade goods and services, and yet somehow we have made it something dirty when it come to particular goods and services. I guess I could give my surrogate a $25,000 piece of jewelry, like a friend of mine received from her husband after the birth of their first child. That would then really feel like buying a baby and what a more degrading way than with something bright and shiny like you use to distract small children.
For me the compensation came down to taking an honest look at what money was being paid out and what that money was for. Reality is that being pregnant costs money, you eat more, you need new clothes, you need more help with you own children, you have to travel to doctors' offices and worse you have to sit in doctors' offices. Then there is the physical toll that pregnancy takes on the body, weight gain, swelling, being uncomfortable, heartburn, hemorrhoids, morning sickness, not seeing your feet, loss of sleep, limited mobility, and a thousand other things. Of course, there is the big pink elephant on roller skates in the middle of the room, the baby/ies have to get out, and that is something that is not pretty, I saw the film in health class and that is some serious pain and suffering. Of course, this would be assuming that she was getting pregnant the "old fashioned way", which is not how it works. So add to all that the injections (done by her significant other or herself), hormone overloads, and all the other lovely things that come along with regular infertility treatments. Now tell me that you would willing do that free for a stranger.
In making, my decisions through out this process I have tried to put myself in the shoes of our future surrogate. This is hard to do at times, because I have never been pregnant and cannot fully appreciate what pregnancy is like. I consider myself to be a very generous person, I give to charity, donate my time, and think nothing of going out of my way to help others, but short of doing this for my sister (and even then there would have to be some really nice Christmas presents) I would never put myself through all that for nothing. Sure, the knowing that I helped fulfillsomeone's life dream would be an amazing feeling, but realistically I do not think that many people are that altruistic.
This is Joe-bob and mine's child who is lucky enough to have another woman willing to get them through the gestation period. This is going to sound like I am insane but bear with me for a moment. As a teenager, I was clinically depressed and my parents, who loved me more than anything, sent me to a boarding school where people could help me in a way that they were unable to at the time. Those people were paid to care for me when my parents were unable to, and nobody would expect it to have been any other way. I am unable to care for our child through gestation so we are sending it to someone who can. I do not see any difference in me going to boarding school and using a surrogate. Maybe I am stretching here but I really see these things as analogous.
What our surrogate will give to us is something that no amount of money could ever repay. How much is the appropriate amount for a dream? So realistically, the compensation that she is getting is simply for her pain and suffering, and I believe that she deserves every penny of that 25 to 35,000 dollars. At least this way I do not feel the need to follow her around for the rest of her life laying rose petals at her feet or erect a temple in her honor. In reality, she is not just giving us the chance to be parents. Going through this process is giving us the chance to heal from years of disappointment, intense pain, and so many moments of agony. Infertility takes away so much of your dignity, self-respect, confidence, trust and faith in humanity; it makes you bitter and makes the world a horrible place to live. The first time that I knew it was stealing parts of me was the first time that someone who I love told me that they were pregnant and I was angry. People are supposed to share in the happiness of a new life, not be angry and jealous. I do not want you to think that I believe a child alone will heal all this, because it will not and I am well aware of that.
Before we started this process, I did a lot of work on myself. Bringing all the pain and hurt of infertility into a surrogacy takes away from the beauty of the process. If you are going to be jealous of your surrogate and think that you are less of a woman, because another woman is carrying your child then you and your surrogate are in for a very long journey. From what I have seen of others' experiences it is these feelings that lead to misery for everyone involved. This is not a process for the weak; you have to know who you are and where your limits are to get through this, which goes for both parties. People are going to question what you are doing and say some of the most horrible things you have ever heard straight to your face. Without knowing whom you are and how you got here surrogacy is going to be another painful experience and the pressure will bury you. That is why being in this for just the money will never work; there is not enough money in the world to make anyone go through what surrogacy asks of you. It is a beautiful and amazing way to begin a family. It is also difficult and emotionally draining.
I want to get as much information into the world as I can about this process.Seriously, this was one of my major concerns when we started this process. First, I need to dispel the myth that all surrogates are poor, financially unstable, and uneducated. In my experience, this could not be further from the truth. The majority of these women are doing this to help others experience the joys of parenthood, they had easy pregnancies or in some cases dealt with infertility themselves or someone close to them has, the money that they receive is a secondary benefit. From what I have read many of these women are using the money to put away extra funds, start college funds, or to help pay for further education for themselves, they are not using the money to throw crazy parties or expensive vacations. Most of the surrogates that I know are appalled when others comment on how nice it must be to get the extra money.
It would be wonderful to live in a world where everything was free, time ran as fast or a slow, as we needed, and every problem would be solved with a hug and a kiss. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything, including the air at the gas station, costs money. We as a society have agreed that the paper with dead white guys on it is how we are going to trade goods and services, and yet somehow we have made it something dirty when it come to particular goods and services. I guess I could give my surrogate a $25,000 piece of jewelry, like a friend of mine received from her husband after the birth of their first child. That would then really feel like buying a baby and what a more degrading way than with something bright and shiny like you use to distract small children.
For me the compensation came down to taking an honest look at what money was being paid out and what that money was for. Reality is that being pregnant costs money, you eat more, you need new clothes, you need more help with you own children, you have to travel to doctors' offices and worse you have to sit in doctors' offices. Then there is the physical toll that pregnancy takes on the body, weight gain, swelling, being uncomfortable, heartburn, hemorrhoids, morning sickness, not seeing your feet, loss of sleep, limited mobility, and a thousand other things. Of course, there is the big pink elephant on roller skates in the middle of the room, the baby/ies have to get out, and that is something that is not pretty, I saw the film in health class and that is some serious pain and suffering. Of course, this would be assuming that she was getting pregnant the "old fashioned way", which is not how it works. So add to all that the injections (done by her significant other or herself), hormone overloads, and all the other lovely things that come along with regular infertility treatments. Now tell me that you would willing do that free for a stranger.
In making, my decisions through out this process I have tried to put myself in the shoes of our future surrogate. This is hard to do at times, because I have never been pregnant and cannot fully appreciate what pregnancy is like. I consider myself to be a very generous person, I give to charity, donate my time, and think nothing of going out of my way to help others, but short of doing this for my sister (and even then there would have to be some really nice Christmas presents) I would never put myself through all that for nothing. Sure, the knowing that I helped fulfillsomeone's life dream would be an amazing feeling, but realistically I do not think that many people are that altruistic.
This is Joe-bob and mine's child who is lucky enough to have another woman willing to get them through the gestation period. This is going to sound like I am insane but bear with me for a moment. As a teenager, I was clinically depressed and my parents, who loved me more than anything, sent me to a boarding school where people could help me in a way that they were unable to at the time. Those people were paid to care for me when my parents were unable to, and nobody would expect it to have been any other way. I am unable to care for our child through gestation so we are sending it to someone who can. I do not see any difference in me going to boarding school and using a surrogate. Maybe I am stretching here but I really see these things as analogous.
What our surrogate will give to us is something that no amount of money could ever repay. How much is the appropriate amount for a dream? So realistically, the compensation that she is getting is simply for her pain and suffering, and I believe that she deserves every penny of that 25 to 35,000 dollars. At least this way I do not feel the need to follow her around for the rest of her life laying rose petals at her feet or erect a temple in her honor. In reality, she is not just giving us the chance to be parents. Going through this process is giving us the chance to heal from years of disappointment, intense pain, and so many moments of agony. Infertility takes away so much of your dignity, self-respect, confidence, trust and faith in humanity; it makes you bitter and makes the world a horrible place to live. The first time that I knew it was stealing parts of me was the first time that someone who I love told me that they were pregnant and I was angry. People are supposed to share in the happiness of a new life, not be angry and jealous. I do not want you to think that I believe a child alone will heal all this, because it will not and I am well aware of that.
Before we started this process, I did a lot of work on myself. Bringing all the pain and hurt of infertility into a surrogacy takes away from the beauty of the process. If you are going to be jealous of your surrogate and think that you are less of a woman, because another woman is carrying your child then you and your surrogate are in for a very long journey. From what I have seen of others' experiences it is these feelings that lead to misery for everyone involved. This is not a process for the weak; you have to know who you are and where your limits are to get through this, which goes for both parties. People are going to question what you are doing and say some of the most horrible things you have ever heard straight to your face. Without knowing whom you are and how you got here surrogacy is going to be another painful experience and the pressure will bury you. That is why being in this for just the money will never work; there is not enough money in the world to make anyone go through what surrogacy asks of you. It is a beautiful and amazing way to begin a family. It is also difficult and emotionally draining.
I hope this answered your question. "
I hope this puts into perspective WHY I am doing what I am doing. Reading this moms response just warms my heart. She truly gets it. She knows what the meaning of life is and that is all I want to give... life. Thanks for reading. :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Couldn't be more excited!
Wow, what a day we've had. A great, perfect, extraordinary day.
It started at 6am when we hopped into the car and headed to Wisconsin to the Agency we are working with. We met LeeAnn right away and I instantly knew we were in the right place. Everything was no natural & I felt like I could talk to her for hours.
For the next two hours we talked about the entire process and what we could expect. It was so nice to be able to ask ANY questions we had & also to be able to hear what this journey was going to be like. We talked about all the "what ifs" and "could yous".... LeeAnn was very impressed with us & said we were ideal candidates. We still weren't 'in the clear' YET since we had 3-4 hours of psychological testing & interviews to do. But, we were pretty confident that would go ok.
Well, it did! We talked about everything with the psychologist. Our childhood, parents, siblings, the way we were raised, our values, our beliefs, our life experiences, why we want to do surrogacy, our jobs, my past pregnancy, the boys, and basically anything else you can think of! It was great for us to get everything out there and also for the doctor to read into anything we said and ask us questions about that circumstance.
She also went into great detail about all of the emotions that will come with surrogacy. It was good to hear it from a doctor that ALL emotions will be normal. I know this baby will not be mine in ANY way, shape or form, but she reminded me that we are all human. So, after the baby is born, REAL emotions will happen. So, she reminded Steven that he needs to be there for me, 100%. Which, I have no reservations about. We talked about all the 'what ifs' and 'could yous' with the doctor too. And, she was very candid in explaining the situations that could arise. It was great to be reminded that this might not be an easy process... but it was also helpful since Steven and I have already had all these converstation & we were on the exact same page.
We finished our personality assesments (350 question fill-in-the-bubble test), our individual interview & interview together... we were anxious to hear what the doctor had decided about us.
She said "well, you guys are ideal candidates. I would be thrilled for you to be a carrier"
We heard later that she actually told the director of the agency "Man, I wish I could clone this couple! I wish all couples were like this!"
That warmed my heart. I knew that Steven & I are emotionally strong enough to do this, but it is great to hear it from a professional that just listened to us babble on and on for 4 hours about ourselves :)
The agency & doctor both told Steven and I that we have an advantage over other surrogates because of our past pregnancy with the twins. Surprised by that? Yeah, me too. But, I guess we are pretty well rounded & have dealt with many decisions that most people hope to never have to make. We were approached with selective reduction, laser ablation surgery, preterm delivery, and NICU time... lots and lots of NICU time. So, I guess this really proves that we can deal with stress & not turn into wackos :)
So, what next? Well, we wait. They said that we probably won't be waiting very long because a match will be VERY easy to do for us. Some surrogates have very strict 'rules' and 'guidelines' about what they will carry, who they will carry for, etc, etc and we are pretty open to any loving parent who comes our way. We want the parent(s) to know that this is their child. They get to make the major decisions about life long choices.
So, we are excited to hear back about a potential match! Could be a week... could be 10 weeks. Who knows. But, as soon as we hear anything, we will let you know! Oh, and BTW... they have a lot of out of the country parents. How cool would that be?!
Ok, I have officially rambled on for way too long! This was a hodge podge entry... sorry! I am just too excited to make sense of all this!!
Thank you for your support! The news is officially OUT! (haha.. which in todays world means its been posted on Facebook :)
It started at 6am when we hopped into the car and headed to Wisconsin to the Agency we are working with. We met LeeAnn right away and I instantly knew we were in the right place. Everything was no natural & I felt like I could talk to her for hours.
For the next two hours we talked about the entire process and what we could expect. It was so nice to be able to ask ANY questions we had & also to be able to hear what this journey was going to be like. We talked about all the "what ifs" and "could yous".... LeeAnn was very impressed with us & said we were ideal candidates. We still weren't 'in the clear' YET since we had 3-4 hours of psychological testing & interviews to do. But, we were pretty confident that would go ok.
Well, it did! We talked about everything with the psychologist. Our childhood, parents, siblings, the way we were raised, our values, our beliefs, our life experiences, why we want to do surrogacy, our jobs, my past pregnancy, the boys, and basically anything else you can think of! It was great for us to get everything out there and also for the doctor to read into anything we said and ask us questions about that circumstance.
She also went into great detail about all of the emotions that will come with surrogacy. It was good to hear it from a doctor that ALL emotions will be normal. I know this baby will not be mine in ANY way, shape or form, but she reminded me that we are all human. So, after the baby is born, REAL emotions will happen. So, she reminded Steven that he needs to be there for me, 100%. Which, I have no reservations about. We talked about all the 'what ifs' and 'could yous' with the doctor too. And, she was very candid in explaining the situations that could arise. It was great to be reminded that this might not be an easy process... but it was also helpful since Steven and I have already had all these converstation & we were on the exact same page.
We finished our personality assesments (350 question fill-in-the-bubble test), our individual interview & interview together... we were anxious to hear what the doctor had decided about us.
She said "well, you guys are ideal candidates. I would be thrilled for you to be a carrier"
We heard later that she actually told the director of the agency "Man, I wish I could clone this couple! I wish all couples were like this!"
That warmed my heart. I knew that Steven & I are emotionally strong enough to do this, but it is great to hear it from a professional that just listened to us babble on and on for 4 hours about ourselves :)
The agency & doctor both told Steven and I that we have an advantage over other surrogates because of our past pregnancy with the twins. Surprised by that? Yeah, me too. But, I guess we are pretty well rounded & have dealt with many decisions that most people hope to never have to make. We were approached with selective reduction, laser ablation surgery, preterm delivery, and NICU time... lots and lots of NICU time. So, I guess this really proves that we can deal with stress & not turn into wackos :)
So, what next? Well, we wait. They said that we probably won't be waiting very long because a match will be VERY easy to do for us. Some surrogates have very strict 'rules' and 'guidelines' about what they will carry, who they will carry for, etc, etc and we are pretty open to any loving parent who comes our way. We want the parent(s) to know that this is their child. They get to make the major decisions about life long choices.
So, we are excited to hear back about a potential match! Could be a week... could be 10 weeks. Who knows. But, as soon as we hear anything, we will let you know! Oh, and BTW... they have a lot of out of the country parents. How cool would that be?!
Ok, I have officially rambled on for way too long! This was a hodge podge entry... sorry! I am just too excited to make sense of all this!!
Thank you for your support! The news is officially OUT! (haha.. which in todays world means its been posted on Facebook :)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Heading to Wisconsin!
We have heard back from the agency and we are heading there this Thursday for our interviews and evaluations with the Psychologist! We are pretty excited to take the next steps & it sounds like (from other surro-moms) that after this step, everything moves pretty quickly!
The agency sent us an email today and explained the process that we will go thru on Thursday. She said that we will discuss the program & go over all of the details for the first few hours of the appointment. At this point they can answer any of our questions about how this will all work. And then we will meet with the psychologist & she will interview us both separately (but in the same room), just to be sure we aren't wackos who are going to be crazies during the next year. :) I promise, we are very normal!! We will also do a PAI (Personality Assessment Inventory), fill in the circle test.
So, with all of this information, they will hopefully be able to tell what kind of people we are and that the only reason we want to do surrogacy is to help another family making their dreams, a reality.
We are so excited to get this journey going and to be able to share all of the news as it happens. Thanks for reading and we will post some fun details later this week after we are back!
The agency sent us an email today and explained the process that we will go thru on Thursday. She said that we will discuss the program & go over all of the details for the first few hours of the appointment. At this point they can answer any of our questions about how this will all work. And then we will meet with the psychologist & she will interview us both separately (but in the same room), just to be sure we aren't wackos who are going to be crazies during the next year. :) I promise, we are very normal!! We will also do a PAI (Personality Assessment Inventory), fill in the circle test.
So, with all of this information, they will hopefully be able to tell what kind of people we are and that the only reason we want to do surrogacy is to help another family making their dreams, a reality.
We are so excited to get this journey going and to be able to share all of the news as it happens. Thanks for reading and we will post some fun details later this week after we are back!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Well...Here's what I have to say...
Well, let's start this post by saying, I am glad you are reading this!
I feel pretty darn lucky to be living this life o' mine. In fact, I don't know why I am so fortunate. Maybe that is what got me to this point...Feeling blessed.
All my life I have had a passion to 'give back' to others and constantly live my life 'paying it forward'. I really don't know what fuels all of this inside me but I just loving giving to others and putting a smile on someone's face, in any way that I can.
Surrogacy has always interested me and last year I decided to start to take the next steps in making this dream, a reality.
I filled out a few applications and was immediately turned down because of my twins' premature birth. My twins were identical & contrary to popular belief, identical twins are completely spontaneous and only happens when one embryo splits into two embryos. My twin pregnancy also suffered from an extremely rare condition called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which can only occur in identical twin pregnancies and of that #, only 10-15%. So, very very rare. So, I was devastated to start receiving letters of denial. Because in reality, this really can't happen again. Well, it could... but no more likely of it happening to me than any other surrogate.
So, I started talking to friends and family about my desire to be a surrogate and that is when I learned of an agency in Wisconsin. I had heard that this particular agency was very open to all kinds of past pregnancy 'complications' because this agency understood that this is a gestational surrogacy(meaning it will not be my egg.. I will just be the carrier). So, the genetics have nothing to do with me (or Steven), therefor, nothing to do with my past pregnancy history.
As long as I am healthy, emotionally & physically, and I meet all the other requirements, I could be accepted.
So, I was pretty excited to hear about this agency and I immediately went to work on filling out the lengthy application, submitted photos of me & my family, sent my insurance documents, etc, etc, etc. I waited patiently for a reply, trying not to get my hopes up, in case it was another let down.
I was so thrilled to hear back with "Your application is lovely, we would love to meet you and your husband to go thru the next steps." It was music to my ears! Could this be happening? I am GOOD enough? My body is GOOd enough? Oh, I hope so.
So, as of right now, we wait. The attorney's are looking over all of the insurance documents to be sure it will be covered. If that is the in the clear, then we are off to Wisconsin to meet with the agency. I am pretty giddy at this point, to get started. I just can't wait to help bring a child into this world for a loving couple. Stay tuned for my rollercoaster ride!--- I just realized I keep saying "Me, My and I"... I need to start saying "Us and We" because this is just as much Steven's journey as it is mine. Ok, maybe not THAT much credit for Steven... but, he still has to put up with me thru all of this. But, after 6 years together, he knows how to 'put up' with me pretty well, by now. :)
Also, I should add a disclaimer to this :) I know surrogacy is NOT for everyone. Just because you wouldn't do it, your mom doesn't believe in it or you think it's 'weird', doesn't mean it is wrong. I have prepared myself for the negative-nellies but this will be a learning experience for me too, so I would love for support from my family & friends.
I closed this post and then seconds later this quote popped up. I felt the need to add it after what I just wrote... "It is not for you to judge the journey of another's Soul. It is for you to decide who You are, not who another has been, or has failed to be"
I feel pretty darn lucky to be living this life o' mine. In fact, I don't know why I am so fortunate. Maybe that is what got me to this point...Feeling blessed.
All my life I have had a passion to 'give back' to others and constantly live my life 'paying it forward'. I really don't know what fuels all of this inside me but I just loving giving to others and putting a smile on someone's face, in any way that I can.
Surrogacy has always interested me and last year I decided to start to take the next steps in making this dream, a reality.
I filled out a few applications and was immediately turned down because of my twins' premature birth. My twins were identical & contrary to popular belief, identical twins are completely spontaneous and only happens when one embryo splits into two embryos. My twin pregnancy also suffered from an extremely rare condition called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which can only occur in identical twin pregnancies and of that #, only 10-15%. So, very very rare. So, I was devastated to start receiving letters of denial. Because in reality, this really can't happen again. Well, it could... but no more likely of it happening to me than any other surrogate.
So, I started talking to friends and family about my desire to be a surrogate and that is when I learned of an agency in Wisconsin. I had heard that this particular agency was very open to all kinds of past pregnancy 'complications' because this agency understood that this is a gestational surrogacy(meaning it will not be my egg.. I will just be the carrier). So, the genetics have nothing to do with me (or Steven), therefor, nothing to do with my past pregnancy history.
As long as I am healthy, emotionally & physically, and I meet all the other requirements, I could be accepted.
So, I was pretty excited to hear about this agency and I immediately went to work on filling out the lengthy application, submitted photos of me & my family, sent my insurance documents, etc, etc, etc. I waited patiently for a reply, trying not to get my hopes up, in case it was another let down.
I was so thrilled to hear back with "Your application is lovely, we would love to meet you and your husband to go thru the next steps." It was music to my ears! Could this be happening? I am GOOD enough? My body is GOOd enough? Oh, I hope so.
So, as of right now, we wait. The attorney's are looking over all of the insurance documents to be sure it will be covered. If that is the in the clear, then we are off to Wisconsin to meet with the agency. I am pretty giddy at this point, to get started. I just can't wait to help bring a child into this world for a loving couple. Stay tuned for my rollercoaster ride!--- I just realized I keep saying "Me, My and I"... I need to start saying "Us and We" because this is just as much Steven's journey as it is mine. Ok, maybe not THAT much credit for Steven... but, he still has to put up with me thru all of this. But, after 6 years together, he knows how to 'put up' with me pretty well, by now. :)
Also, I should add a disclaimer to this :) I know surrogacy is NOT for everyone. Just because you wouldn't do it, your mom doesn't believe in it or you think it's 'weird', doesn't mean it is wrong. I have prepared myself for the negative-nellies but this will be a learning experience for me too, so I would love for support from my family & friends.
I closed this post and then seconds later this quote popped up. I felt the need to add it after what I just wrote... "It is not for you to judge the journey of another's Soul. It is for you to decide who You are, not who another has been, or has failed to be"
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