First off- a quick update. Both Frank & Steven/I have been appointed attorneys to get started on the contracts. We are hoping to have the contracts signed by Oct 19 & that will put us on track for an early/mid November transfer.
Secondly, I wanted to blog about a topic that I feel like comes up in the back of peoples mind; and not everyone has the 'guts' to ask.
"Why not adoption? There are so many babies out there to be adopted. Why do you feel you have to turn to surrogacy instead of adopting a baby in need of a family?"
First off, my husband is adopted. Adoption is a wonderful thing. Steven and I talked about adoption before we had kids. We made an agreement that we would adopt if we couldn't have our own biological children. I really think adoption is beautiful & I LOVE hearing successful adoption stories. However, there is a very real reality to adoption. Adoptions fail. Not everyone can adopt. Adopting is a very tough process. Adoption is very expensive & not guaranteed. When adoptions go through, they are beautiful & so rewarding. But, adoption just doesn't feel right to everyone. For Frank, adoption would be extremely difficult since he is a single man; only 3 countries in the world even consider letting a single man adopt. And, not all families have come to terms with the fact they can't have their own biological children. So, I feel that I can help someone else have a biological child if thats what feels right to them. I got pregnant easily. I never had to really, honestly, sit & have that talk about "what do we do now?" We never had a doctor tell us there was a problem with our fertility issues. I don't know what we would do if we were put in that situation. But, if adoption wasn't the route we wanted to go, I sure as heck hope I would have somewhere else to turn. Surrogacy.
I've been following several surrogacy blogs lately & I recently found one that the blogger is a surrogate for her brother & sister-in-law because during the birth of their first child, the mother was very ill & had to have her uterus removed. She still has perfect eggs but no where to carry a child. So, for them, their journey to having their own biological children just wasn't complete yet. They are expecting twins around Christmas. If you are interested, you can view their blog, here.
I have had friends & clients who have adopted and I LOVE when everything falls into place & then suddenly, a new family member is welcomed into their loving family. But, I have also heard the sad stories of adoptions that fall thru. Surrogacy takes out a bit of that factor. Again, the egg is NOT mine in this surrogacy. I am strictly the carrier that will get this embryo to a full-term baby. I can't change my mind, because I simply can't. It's not my baby. Frank doesn't have to go to bed at night worrying about if I may decide to keep this baby. Yes, there are several other factors that probably will worry Frank crazy- but, me keeping his baby, isn't one of them. This baby is his, all his, and so once I am confirmed pregnant, he gets to begin planning his life with his baby. That is what surrogacy is about to me.
I really don't feel like it can be a conversation on adoption vs surrogacy because I think its comparing apples to oranges. I don't think they can be compared. They are so different and people choose what feels right to them. We are so lucky that this is OUR life and we get to choose what is right to US. If we were all the same, what a boring world we would live in. But, I really appreciate when people can open themselves up to new opinions. So, for those of you that are on the edge about surrogacy. Just think about if a doctor told you that you 'couldn't get pregnant', or if you woke up from a C-Section and your uterus was gone, or you were a 45 year old who couldn't adopt because of the age requirements, or a man who wants to be a dad but can't because he is single? Think of those factors and consider that not everyone has the easy, cut & dry story that we would like to think lead people to adopt. Adoption is beautiful and so is surrogacy. Neither is better than another.
Those are my words for the night. Thanks for reading ;)
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